All words presented in this blog are purely opinion, not fact - unless specifically stated otherwise in the post.

Monday 24 June 2013

Fifty Shades of Grey The Movie

Surely this is just porn? I mean... it doesn't particularly have a story, it's just a string of pornographic- very graphic in fact - encounters of bondage and sex. its not really a love story, there's no mad man forcing this stuff on her, its just a girl who never had sex before losing her virginity to a bondage loving dominator who happens to be attractive, no?
Am I in any way wrong?
I'm sure the people out there who love it (and there are a surprising number of the affectionately named 'illiterates') are... well... not reading this blog, but if they were they'd probably arguing, telling me it's a beautiful love story that needs to be told on the big screen.
Of course; they'd be wrong.

Of course my readers will already know what I think of the twilight fan fiction named 'Fifty Shades of grey' that has been very generously called a 'book'. but while I was completely happy to leave it alone now that fewer people are reading it on the tube (only 2 noticeable people today) it appears to have come again into my field of vision in the form of an article in the newspaper speculating on which Hollywood actress will be in it.
The article said that it's going to be either Mila Kunis, Olivia Wilde, Jessica Pare, Emma Watson, Lucy hale, Leighton Meester, Amanda Seyfried or Sasha Grey. To which my immediate response is 'either its going to be none of them because none of them are porn stars (Sasha Grey used to be but from what Wikipedia says she isn't anymore) and the only way to make it would be to make a full on porno, because that's what it bloody well is. Or it will be one of them and the film is going to cut out all of the sex scenes because not a one of those actresses would be put on the big screen in a full on domination bdsm bondage porno.'
Don't get me wrong, I would love to see each and every one of those actresses in such positions, I'm a guy after all, every one of them are gorgeous and I'd even agree to see 50 shades the movie if I thought i'd see Emma Watson or Mila Kunis naked - I'm a pervert, what do you want from me? - but they wont. they're big, famous actresses, they don't need to do porn to get paid so why would they?

If I'm wrong fair enough I have a little less respect for whichever one does it. It just strikes me as a really bad idea to make a fifty shades of grey movie, unless they're making it with porn stars. From what I've seen the book barely has any more plot than a standard Porno.

Anyway. Rant over.

- James

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