All words presented in this blog are purely opinion, not fact - unless specifically stated otherwise in the post.

Monday, 14 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 5: Comments

And so... Episode 5, the empire strikes back!

1. Episode 5. the 6th movie chronologically and 2nd movie to be made.

2. Luke went from that new guy in red squadron to leader of the whole rebel base in a real short time according to this flying text.

3. you think that flying text is a problem in star wars universe? you think you gotta take random flying text exposition into account when you plot hyperspace coordinates?

4. does Vader know his name is skywalker? if so why hasn't he put together that he's his son yet? hangs around with obi wan, found on his own home planet, seems obvious.

5. those masks seem pretty pointless if you gotta take them off every time you call into base. or did he only do that for cinematic effect?

6. how did Luke's readings not pick up the life signs of that wampa that surprised him?

7. Luke gets surprised by things pretty easy early in these movies. first sand people now this?

8. wait why don't they go out in x-wings? they perform in the cold vacuum of space where there's no heat. how is the cold going to affect them?

9. Luke has no idea what the force can do. how does he even know to try force pulling the light saber? Let me guess; the force?

10. poor alec guinness, hated the character so much he had him killed off in the first movie, and then they keep bringing him back.

11. yoda did not instruct you, not really.

12. I wonder if he had to leave Lukes head out to keep it from suffocating him.

13. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

14. so did they spend all night working on the speeders to save han?

15. what if they hadn't finished the speeders? would they have had to walk back?

16. God Damnit Leia, that is your brother. you will give him ideas. Luke don't enjoy it too much.

17. there's not a lot of leeway for danger in these ships. what if his ship springs a leak? he'll be dead instantly.

18. that's some pretty awesome aim.

19. so... it seems like they only just arrived on Hoth, only just finished up their searches of the area so how did they have the time to build that giant ion cannon?

20. if they knew that the speeders didn't work right then why didn't they send the x wings to destroy the at ats? we know that they work. And they have proved to destroy them.

21. why were the speeder guys good enough to blow them up once they'd fallen over?

22. Luke's just flying around with a corpse in his back seat.

23. Luke just isn't having a good film.

24. that At-At just crushed Lukes co-pilot's body.

25. that turret WAS a surprise. never see it again.

26. What is it with Vader arriving just as the ship Leia is on leaves?

27. It must be so boring flying on automatic in a fighter like an X Wing. at least with the falcon you can go have a chat.

28. Han and Chewie just left the cockpit in the middle of a firefight. probably not smart.

29. Leia probably should have mentioned the asteroids before getting hit.

30. you were told about the magic master by a magic ghost of your magic mentor. stop complaining that you don't know if he's real.

31. If you weren't going to eat that sausage why not let him have it?

32. probably a good thing they made R2 stay, after all it woulda been a pain figuring out how to make his wheels work there.

33. the fact that he has no legs must make it a pain kneeling.

34. Emperor realises that Skywalker is the son of skywalker before skywalker knows skywalker is the son of skywalker.

35. Yes obi wan you were very different. for one you were a child.

36. obi wan was definitely reckless. even at the end where he got himself cut in half.

37.What kind of training is carrying a dwarf around on your back and doing flips?

38. "Clear your mind of questions" "there is no why" these are not good teaching methods

39. why live in a place of dark side?

40. He just told you you wouldn't need the weapons and he was concerned you were too aggressive when you started. maybe this is a test. maybe leave the weapons.

41. dreaming about vader now? someone's got a cruuush.

42. 3-PO is only doing his job!

43. R2 beeping must be distracting.

44. Yoda is old you can't just drop him like that!

45. there is no try.

46. yoda looks like he wasn't expecting that to work.

47. You asked for the training, Luke. don't be a bitch when its hard.

48. that liquids gotta ruin the pilot seat leather.

49. killing your commander every time he does something wrong is going to make for a very unskilled workforce.

50. 3-PO has legitimate intelligence, and they just turned him off. that's assault.

51. Leia can be such a tease sometimes.

52. Don't lift up sentient things and then drop them, jeez.

53. hey its the 1 black guy in the original trilogy.

54. i'm pretty sure they want leia alive as well.

55. han solo king of sass. no problem with the droid, no.

56. how did they arrive before han? they went the opposite way and didn't know where they were going.

57. this deals getting worse all the time!

58. I feel terrible is a pretty big understatement after the torture.

59. how does Lando know Luke's on his way.

60. "I know."

61. oooh a hancicle!

62. I am altering the deal. pray I don't alter it any further.

63. R2 makes a lot of nise.

64. was that man with the metal earmuffs controlled by Lando's watch?

65. well obviously it's a trap but he still wants to save his... what? at this point you made out with him last time you saw each other are you dating now?

66. I don't think they ever mention sith in the original star wars.

67. It's not exactly the epic battle that they had between Obi Wan and Anakin.

68. when did you open that hole in the ground.

69. Vader is impressed easily.

70. Vader needed to freeze luke. what's his plan now?

71. Vader's not exactly stealthy with that breathing.

72. Oooh I see a hidden mickey!

73. Luke's aim is getting worse

74. the empire controls the city, why didn't they shut down the elevators?

75. I mean... R2 should really have been able to tell the difference between a power socket and a computer terminal.

76. they probably should have listen to R2's warning that the hyperdrive wouldn't work.

77. 3-PO just mentioned something hurting. What mad man would develop robots with pain receptors?

78. what are those safety rails made of to survive lightsaber blasts.

79. I am your father.

80. Why doesn't Vader just force lift Luke back up?

81. how does Luke survive that fall?

82. where does his lightsaber go that some old lady can find it in 30 years?

83. this used to be lando's ship, why not him pilot it instead of Leia who doesn't know what she's doing?

84. He started calling Vader father real quickly.

85. Did R2 just drop on Chewies head?

86. the way Vader looks back at the place they jumped from is just so 'are you feckign kidding me?'

87. why is Lando wearing Han's clothes?

88. I get why they'd give Luke pain receptors in his fake hand, but not in robots.

That's the end of Empire

Monday, 7 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 4: comments

Forgot to finish this, my bad. Comments on Star Wars Episode 4

1. episode 4, the fifth film chronologically, 4th film in the series but the very first to be made.

2. why is Leia a princess? her real mom was an elected queen for a couple of years but literally nobody knows that and her dad is a senator. you don't become a princess of the senate do you? Americans; you have a senate, how many princesses do you have?

3. Leia has not been alive in a galaxy that has known freedom, yet she fights hardest for it.

4. there are literally no ways that R2 and 3-po could have gotten on the ship after it left the battle of Scarif.

5. one of the rebel soldiers, when I was a kid I always thought it was han solo when I was a kid.

6. those are 2 very lucky droids.

7. Darth vader is SUCH a stereotype. look at him all black and ominous with random techy stuff all over him. what does that panel on his chest even do? is it a microwave? does it work his disco lighting? what is it?!

8. Okay, this is where Rogue one kinda ruined this film for me a little bit. the consular ship of Leia’s literally ran away from the battle of scarif. vader saw it, he fought across the ship carrying it. they've just caught up with the exact same ship I'm assuming the same day since Leia is wearing the same clothes and if it was any longer then they woulda had the time to give the plans to another ship or transmitted them. How are they even trying to pretend that didn't happen. it's like Vader walked in saying 'I saw you running from my ship.' and they just reply 'no you didn't.' over and over.

9. Vader just doesn't know his own strength. I don't think he was done with that guy.

10. Leia's gun looks like a regular gun that's had plumbing supplies attached.

11. who cares if there are no life forms? what if something really common to them that doesn't show life like, say, a droid was on it?

12. See after watching Rogue one I kinda feel more on Vader's side. like how can they pretend that they weren't just watched leaving the battle and getting the plans?

13. Also can I point out that if the guys shooting at 3-po to make him enter the pod had radio'd in to the turret guys this wouldn't have happened.

14. see if they had just programmed their droids like robots, not artificial intelligence all this would be much simpler. RR2 is now designated team leader 3-PO just follows commands.

15. that is a big skeleton. Krayte dragons must be scary.

16. there is no way the jawas heard him from that distance. they must have just seen soemthign shiny.

17. I just wanna know what jawas look like without their hoods.

18. R2 shoulda used his thrusters to fly to obiwan.

19. i know from watching episode 3 that the place they put R2's restraining bolt is literally just a door. If R2 just opened the door and had 3-po take it off he woulda been fine.

20. why do they give 3-po the ability to blink?

21. I wonder if the empire rented those lizard mounts or if they had them on the ship the whole time.

22. what was the 'look sir droids' guy doing on his knees in front of that other stormtrooper?

23. it only took R2 like 2 seconds to wake up that time, It takes him about 2/3 of a movie in episode 7.

24. Luke is about 20 here. at his age his father had become a fully fledged jedi knight. His mother had won a war as a queen and become a senator and his sister was fighting the empire as one of the leaders of the rebel alliance. Luke likes to play with toy shuttles.

25. Power converters cannot be something fun, I don't care what universe your in.

26. that r2 unit looks like it has a lightsaber coming out of its head.

27. how does R2 not remember the farm his former masters family lived on?

28. There's a reason 3-po's memory was wiped. he's known Luke all of 10 minutes and he's telling him about the rebellion. can you imagine if he was found by imperials?

29. Dude, thats your sister. stop it.

30. Yay blue milk!

31. You would not want to shut power down in the desert. the warmth is the only thing keeping you alive.

32. Why is 3-po driving the speeder?

33. why isn't R2 using his wheels? just hobbling along.

34. what is it with Obi-wan touching faces to see if people are alive?

35. "I haven't gone by the name of obi wan since,oh before you were born" I mean... that's not true. maybe since oh the day after you were born?

36. How does Obi Wan not recognize the droid he spent literally 20 years with?

37. You think those beeps and whirrs from R2 were him being offended that obi wan didn't know him? cos i would be.

38."your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough." is a very loose interpretation of what happened.

39. He's just waving a super dangerous blade around like a toy.

40. Notice he conveniently forgets to mention Midichlorians.

41. did he serve senator organa? is that really how you'd see what happened?

42. no wonder Own was afraid of obiwan taking Luke on some damn idealistic crusade. he's not even been there 10 minutes and he's already planning a trip.

43. obi wan, master of guilt trips.

44. I thought the battle station was fully operational.

45. I mean... they know what vader can do... why would they talk to him like a bitch?

46. i feel like 200 years isn't long enough to forget something like the Jedi.

47. Only imperial stormtroopers are so precise aye? and yet they can't hit a thing when an MC turns up.

48. did someone order an aunt beru and an uncle owen extra crispy? Also what weapon did they use to do that? every other gun I've seen them use has just left a black mark on them.

49. that whole thing with the torture droid is just bad parenting.

50. if you really look at the torture droid it's just a ball with a syringe and forceps.

51. What purpose was there for them to fly up onto the ridge overlooking mos eisley except cinematic reasons?

52. Luke became real good at lying real fast.

53. I wonder if there are people all around watching the interaction with the troopers just thinking 'why is he just repeating whatever the old guy says?

54. So obi wan's outfit in this movie is where all other jedi outfits stem from, but his outfit here is just a normal desert outfit, not dissimilar to lukes.

55. what do they have against droids?

56. at least he mentioned the no droids thing before R2 made it down the stairs.

57. Oh hey look its those guys! They made it off scarif. After such a close call you'd hope they would rethink their lives of villainy, but no. and now they never will.

58. yeah that lightsabre didn't totally stand out or anything.

59. holy crap I just realised that's a different cantina song.

60. Haha, 12 parsecs, the statement that caused a thousand nerds to tie themselves in knots to come up with an explanation.

61. oh hey, it seems Greedo really did shoot first! which goes to show bounty hunters have terrible aim. how do you miss someone that close unless you shoot second?

62. i completely forgot that 3-po and r2 literally belong to Luke. and yet 3-po spends all his time with Leia. birthday gift maybe?

63. how did he find out about greedo? Han only just killed him.

64. I mean... he's not a human being...

65. I thought he already put a huge bounty on Han.

66. 'load your weapons' with what? aren't they just lasers? what do you load lasers with? double A. batteries?

67. I love that his 'maneuvers' is flying left.

68. Everyones calling Tarkin 'Governor' not 'grand moff'. Why did I always think grand moff tarkin?

69. there's something very fatherly about how Vader holds her back from Tarkin.

70. "you don't believe in the force, do you?" he says a little offended, about the magical field that he only learned about like 7 hours ago.

71. She didn't tell you where the rebel base is so you give up and kill her? that's a really smart, she's your one link, just keep probing her mind. what's that? she made you mad so you want her dead? fair enough I guess.

72. that was just rude. vader was talking to him and just walked off mid sentence. Since when vader? since when did you last sense it?

73. i feel like someone would have heard those blasters.

74. was that storm trooper down by the ship luke? cos he got to the tower with the others really quick if he was walking inconspicuously.

75. "Ben is a great man!" You barely know him.

76. luke's talking like Han has been there the whole time. he doesn't know what message you're talking about.

77. there must be security cameras all over the death star. how has nobody noticed Obi Wan.

78. how many prisoners do you think they have? I mean it's not like the base has been in operation long.

79. Luke goes from never killed anyone to killed a ton of people real fast.

80. You're in the middle of an enemy planet killer base and you're sassing the soldier that came to you? and your best sass is you're short?

81. they shoulda kept their helmets the disguise is not so good without the helmets.

82. how does look disappear under the water? it's not even knee high water.

83. 3-po just sold the others out pretty harshly.

84. those guys literally just saw obi wan but chose to ignore him.

85. you're on guard, you think it might be a drill/test and you ignore the noise that's clearly meant to be seen.

86. why are the 10 stormtroopers running away from 1 guy?

87. ah cool, luke's bat-belt is coming in handy. Why does he have a grappling hook? what purpose could that serve a moisture farmer.

88. Leia that is your brother! Don't give him any ideas! Don't tell me you didnt realise, in 2 films time you'll be saying somehow you always knew.

89. Close the blast doors! Open the blast doors!

90. yeah mate, stop to go watch the fight. that makes sense.

91. Luke just alerted everyone to their presence.

92. Leia comforts luke after he just lost the guy he barely knows. nobody gives a shit that Leia just lost her whole world, her family, her friends, everyone she's ever known.

93. when did they give Luke that course on yt-1300 turret control?

94. wait, if Leia knows they're tracking them why does she actually let them take it back to the rebel base.

95. it's weird that they never invented bras in the star wars universe. A civilisation is so much more advanced than us and they never invented bras, really?

96. that guy with the weird camera that points at the millenium falcon. what does that do? I mean, the falcon can't be a registered and authorized ship, so why does he point, decide its cool and stop.

97. killing pest animals for fun is a sign of a serial killer.

98. when Han says may the force be with you he sounds sarcastic.

99. stop that leia. he's gonna get a crush!

100. biggs will never hear his stories. Biggs isn't coming back.

101. hearing voices is a sign of insanity. which doesn't couple well with the serial killer thing.

102. how do any of them know when to announce themselves? they didn't go in numerical order.

103. those X wings wouldn't be able to fly like that.

104. yes, yes, there's no point being safe just in case. there's no way they could destroy it. they've not beaten us before, except all those times.

105. maybe while they were slowly flying behind with no security behind another team, say maybe red 5s team should have entered the trench behind and killed them?

106. how do they cover someone when the enemies are behind them?

107. "R2 Generic sci fi sounding instruction!"

108. I swear it looks like Biggs spills his coffee when he dies.

109. Luke is way more concerned about R2, a droid he just met, when he gets hit than Biggs when he dies.

110. I feel like the targeting computers weren't hurting him so much as they seem to imply with the force and stuff.

111. who gave han the rebel alliance com codes?

112. that was a very quick chain reaction and explosion.

113. still hearing things I see...

114. that looks like a lot of damage to r2. you think he'll still have all his memories? in my experience machines like that lose hard drives when they take that much damage.

115. the scene with the medals implies way more of a legal governmental thing than the rebellion has.

116. did the engineer let R2 out of the hospital a little late and he had to run all the way down?

that is the end of Episode 4