All words presented in this blog are purely opinion, not fact - unless specifically stated otherwise in the post.

Monday 28 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 7: Comments

Star wars Episode 7 comments. I have seen episode 8 but will not be commenting on it or on Solo for the foreseeable future, maybe one day though.. Next week will be the last one, Rogue One and then we are done!
1. Episode 7 is the only film that was named correctly on release. It is the 7th movie, it was made 7th, but sadly because of rogue one it is now 8th chronologically.
2. Luke has vanished. Typical Jedi.
3. 'skywalker, the last jedi' I wonder what episode 8 will be about.
4. See 'general organa' makes sense. she's leading troops. makes way more sense than princess.
5. If she has the support of the Republic then is it a resistance or just the republic army?
6. If Leia really wanted to find luke she should have turned R2 on.
7. Who is the old ally? do we have any frame of reference for this guy? was he in one of the old films? Shoulda made it Wedge Antilles.
8. why are they called the first order? is this part of that list of orders that Order 66 came from?
9. Stormtrooper masks look like donald duck.
10. R2 jr is fat.
11. How can any of them understand BB8 ? even Luke had to use a translator.
12. What happened to the machinery that lifted BB8 up by his head? it sort of disappeared and started pushing him from below.
13. this is a future world and they're using little leather string bags to hold data drives...
14. Here we have the beginning of the film were the rebellion- I mean resistance agent hands the plans- I mean map over to her droid R2- I mean BB8 before getting captured by the movie's sith apprentice Darth Vader- I mean Kylo ren and then tortured for information. It's so different from the original.
15. Woulda been a very different film if Poe had killed that storm trooper.
16. okay. people say Kylo Ren is a bitch and yes sometimes, but Vader could never hold a person in place unable to move while simultaneously holding a blaster bolt in mid shot for an entire conversation.
17. I assume that stormtrooper blasters have almost infinite ammo because otherwise that was really a waste of shots, blowing up that wrecked x-wing.
18. good thing Poe didn't take his favorite black x-wing after what just happened.
19. Oh hey it's the only black guy in this era of star wars!
20. And here we have our protagonist, a young person who lives on a desert planet with no real knowledge of her parents and who chafes at the restrictions the people who lead her place upon her. I'm not sure which protagonist I just described.
21. I know that star destroyers not going to just turn on but I'm still cringing the way Rey's just stood inside the booster rocket.
22. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
23. Oh look a Jawa- I mean random alien just found our information carrying droid and is trying to abduct it, but down worry our protagonist Luke- I mean Rey just acquired him from the jawas- tido.
24. Here's another way Kylo ren is actually more powerful than Vader; He just pulled the information he needed from Poe. I guess Maybe Leia was just stronger than Poe.
25. didn't a pair of characters in Episode 4 crash land on a desert world from an imperial death star and then get separated?
26. The Bromance is real!
27. Could you imagine if you told someone your name and they said 'What? Well I ain't using it.' and made up a new name for you? dick move Poe. Dick Move.
28. Bill weasleys gotten very severe since we last saw him.
29. well that kind of ends that argument.
30. that armour must be super hot in the desert. I guess it might have air con.
31. how did Poe leave his jacket behind?
32. what is it with the black guys in this movie series stealing the white guys clothes? First Lando now Rey.
33. Surprisingly normal clothes under the storm trooper armour.
34. that was a solid punch to the face Rey just took.
35. that moment when you and your friends droid's eye meet from across the room.
36. she and BB-8 just beat on a black man for no real reason, without asking the story. typical.
37. I'm not the one who chased you down with a stick! - he has a point.
38. Stop Taking My Hand!
39. How did she learn to fly? My understanding is she's never left the planet, she's spent her whole time there salvaging to stay alive. How'd she learn to fly?
40. The garbage will do.
41. What happens if the tool BB-8 wants to use is in a compartment underneath it?
42. Since they're flying low it makes more sense to me for him to be in the turret on top of the ship.
43. how is it that this universe is so advanced they've invented space travel but their spaceship targeting systems is made in what looks like MS-dos?
44. And this is the moment that Rey decides to try a Crazy Ivan!
45. I mean, yes Kylo Ren's anger is scary. But it could be worse. remember what happened when people gave Vader bad news like that. force choke. death. Kylo's a step up. At least I dont think Kylo killed him.
46. Our protagonist Luke- I mean Rey just returned the droid with the plans, R2- I mean BB-8 to the one expected to take care of it and is now reluctant to take the droid to the rebel base on Alderaan- I mean the resistance base in the Illenium System.
47. Welcome back Han and Chewie!
48. okay now, I want you to pay special attention to the damage Chewie does with his bowcaster (the blaster)
49. Frigging Parsecs.
50. chewies looking good. not a single grey hair.
51. "What was the second time?"
52. I can't help but laugh whenever I see the rathtars they remind me of the pervy monster from FF
53. every other person the rathtars ate, btu Fin they just cary off. seems a bit convenient.
54. why does blasting door controls seem to do exactly what the blaster wants?
55. I feel like this reveal that Han solo is Kylo Ren's father is premature and underwhelming. Imagine, if you will, that we waited until the bridge scene.
56. Poor Rey, just wanted some praise.
57. Jeez, any time a Jedi Master trains an apprentice that wipes out the whole order they just disappear and become hermits. Get a new tune already, jeez.
58. Han never wondered. He didn't believe, and had never heard of it. then he'd heard of it and he didn't believe. Then he was proven right, he believed and he knew about it. He never wondered. He's too confident for that.
59. the worlds of Star Wars are very strange. All the planets seem to have 1 climate throughout. you get a forest world, a snow world, a desert world. No mixed climates etc...
60. that droid looks like it's made out of Rey's speeder.
61. sounds like the cantina band got a new song.
62. Kylo Ren is kind of like the polar opposite of Luke and Anakin. where they were light side that felt a pull to the dark that they wanted to avoid, Ren is a dark side that feels a pull to the light that he wants to avoid.
63. there's a line here where she asks han who the girl is. it almost seems like they know who rey's parents are.
64. Hearing voices is a sign of madness.
65. BB-8 climbing down the stairs is super cute.
66. That didn't go exactly as the old lady expected, but what did she expect after such a scary vision?
67. if the galaxy wasn't united against the First Order before they used Starkiller base they certainly will be after. the republic didn't want people to know they supported the resistance? well now they have every reason to support them.
68. How did they transform 1 huge beam into 5 separate beams that hit 5 planets perfectly.
69. Finn says that it was the republic. are you telling me that 100% of the republic was on those 5 planets?
70. How did BB-8 climb up the stairs?
71. yes it is a good question last time we saw that lightsaber it was falling with a severed hand into cloud city.
72. I mean... it might be for the best destroying that statue. it's pretty arrogant and pompous to have a statue of yourself.
73. Rey looks at the blaster like she didn't know it would do that.
74. BB-8 is pretty quick to abandon people.
75. I'd like to make sure at this point everyone is paying attention to how much damage the Bowcaster Chewie uses is doing.
76. I get that the lightsaber is a weapon, but it's not one he's used to. telling him 'you have one' is kind of a dick move since that's clearly not what he was asking for.
77. How come Poe is the only one that's allowed a custom coloured X-wing?
78. this whole section reminds me of a computer game cgi animation where they are just trying to show off how powerful the main character is just before returning to the regular game and you can't do any of that stuff.
79. Bromance continues.
80. Kylo shows more of his skills here where he holds her in place with her arm behind her back and reads her mind before knocking her unconscious with a click of the fingers. Vader couldn't do most of that.
81. The wings of that carrier ship just don't look right.
82. Leia has not aged nearly as well as han.
83. Oh hey I didn't recognise 3-po because of the red arm. I'm glad they said it was him.
84. if Finn didn't realise it was Poe Dameron flying then why on earth was he rushing out there?
85. the Bromance expands.
86. Chewie with the doctor is great.
87. how is it that Luke's droid has all the information they need but they don't? surely they'd download it's maps first?
88. "Princes'" translation: "bitches."
89. It is very unlikely R2 will have the rest of the map in the backup data. Yeah super unlikely.
90. I really wish they didn't have all of this explanation of their failings with Kylo Ren. Maybe talk about how they lost their son, but not about how it's Kylo Ren. It would have made much more of an impact if it all happened on that bridge.
91. Oh man he's going to take off his mask, I wonder what he looks like? Super scarred? super deformed? super attractive maybe as a contrast to historical sith?
92. Oh... Okay... I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting under that mask but... well it wasn't that.
93. I really wish they'd waited until the bridge with Han Solo to take the mask off for the first time. much bigger impact.
94. "You know I can take whatever I want." Whoa kylo that sounded really rapey. Cool your jets.
95. imagine this whole scene where he's trying to break into her mind without any of the audio. it would just be weird.
96. how rubbish is any rebellion/resistance Leia is involved in that whenever they always get tracked back to their base?
97. How does Rey have any idea what she can do with the force? Anakin needed to be taught, Luke needed to be taught. Why is it that she just knows how to force suggest. She doesn't even know that's a possibility. At least the others knew what the possibilities were, they saw others doing it.
98. those 2 storm troopers are the smartest in the whole movie.
99. would the starkiller base ever be able to fire again after this shot? they use up the whole sun which would basically destroy the entire system throwing the planets into complete disarray, btu beyond that, the weapon has no power source and it's no station like the death star, can it move? I'm not sure it can.
100. Why did they call Han 'major'?
101. the amount of work it would take to build that starkiller would be more than could be done in a human life span and it's only been 30 years since Episode 6.
102. that line from Leia 'if you see our son, bring him home' is why he dies.
103. for such an old ship that's always on the edge of falling apart it can't half take a few knocks.
104. oooooh Darth vader- I mean Kylo ren just felt his old master- I mean father Obi Wan- I mean Han solo's presence.
105. that was not a quiet shot. How did nobody hear it.
106. I love how everyone in movies trying to stealth does the weird constipated crouch walk.
107. I assume that when Rey climbs into the wall she climbs out somewhere else.
108. After all of those big trailers making Phasma look epic she went out like a punk.
109. what if Han hadn't got the shields down? were they just going back and forth around the area waiting for the shields to go down?
110. why did Rey never think to use the elevator? I guess cos there were no ships out there.
111. Rey must be super cold out there in her Jakku clothes.
112. hope you're all still paying attention to how powerful the bowcaster is.
113. but HOW does the girl know her stuff? is all this present imperial tech entirely based on old pre new republic star destroyer tech?
114. What was the better idea chewie had? I don't speak walking carpet!
115. i hope they have gloves. climbing that frozen metal ladder might cause frostbite.
116. This is where they should have revealed that Kylo ren was Hans son. this is where they should have taken off his mask for the first time. It would have had so much more impact. taking away his monstrousness and making him human just before the final fight.
117. that said I would probably be comparing it to Luke and Vader on the bridge thing on cloud city.
118. yeah right there, imagine that line 'the face of my son' was the reveal. then get an actor that looks like Han.
119. How did the lightsaber go from sideways aiming away from both of them to aiming forwards towards him?
120. Here's where the protagonist watches her brand new mentor die and cries about the guy she met about a day before.
121. Leia never learned to be a Jedi, but she still felt Han lose his presence.
122. Okay, here's why I've been reminding you to look at how powerful the bowcaster is. It's been throwing storm troopers around, fully armed troopers thrown back several meters. killed instantly. But then it hits kylo ren and not only does it not kill him, it doesn't even throw him back and he still fights 2 people after. People say that Kylo ren sucks because he loses to 2 people who never fought with light sabers before. But remember he was shot in the gut buy that ridiculously powerful weapon.
123. Why would Finn throw his preferred weapon away just before a fight?
124. I always thought Anakin/luke's lightsaber looked uncomfortable to hold.
125. why when Kylo was trying to force pull the lightsaber did he dodge out of the way when it came towards him, like he wasn't expecting it?
126. Now it's time for Luke- I mean Poe to fly down the trench of the Death star- I mean Starkiller base to destroy the whole thing in 1 attack just as they are prepared to fire on the rebellion- I mean Resistance base.
127. You also need to remember that Kylo didn't want to kill Rey, He was trying to turn her to take her to Snoak or to get her to learn from him. She could go all out and kill him, he couldn't.
128. How does she know to close her eyes and meditate for Lightsaber training?
129. How does that work?
130. It's very polite of him to wait for her to be ready.
131. She seemed way too angry in that fight for a Jedi.
132. considering how much of the area was destroyed where Finn was left seems pretty unharmed.
133. Leia's never met Rey before but they're hugging like they're age old friends and the only ones who give a crap about Han. Rey only met him yesterday and he was kinda a dick.
134. nobody even though to hug Chewie.
135. Oh NOW you wake up R2... oh wait... R2 Awakened...R2 is the force!
136. How is it R2 has exactly everything except the bit they have? it's almost as if it was planned that he would show them at a specific time.
137. Why does Rey get the Millenium Falcon and the wookie? She barely knew him. they could have taken any ship to find luke but they took the fastest ship in the fleet!
138. Oh hey there's 3-po. I can tell now cos he has 2 gold arms.
139. I feel like that should have been the end, where rey and chewie fly off into hyperspace, then save the other stuff for the next movie, when she first arrives. or maybe do it in a post credits scene? but not at the end of this film, it just drags it on a bit long and ruins the successful tone from the end of the fight.
140. How is R2 gonna get up all those stairs? rocket boots?
141. I maintain that luke was peeing off the side of the cliff when we found him.
142. this bit where they just stare at each other is one of the most awkward things in star wars. It goes on for 50 seconds. 33 of that she's holding her arm out with a pretty weighty looking lightsaber in hand. Have you ever stared silently at someone for 50 seconds without looking away? it feels like a long time. go ahead, do it now. And add to that holding a 4kg weight in front of you for 30 seconds, arm straight... not fun.
143. do you think he was wondering if she found his hand as well?
144. he just looks so grumpy.
145. this is the only movie that's credits music is so mellow. I miss the excitement.

Last comments section next week for a while, Rogue One.

Monday 21 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 6: Comments

We also have Star Wars Episode 6

1. Episode 6, the 7th chronologically and 3rd to be made.

2. why did Vader arrive on that star destroyer I wonder. he has his own super star destroyer that he usually uses is my understanding.

3. someone probably should have told the commander when Lord Vader's shuttle left hyperspace, not waited for his ship to arrive on the death star.

4. Darth Vader, from hunter of Jedi to building manager.

5. Why is it that the builder of the first death star was all kitted out in nice high level imp gear but this one is just wearing identical clothing to other officers.

6. I feel like this scene is supposed to have translation subtitles but they forgot them.

7. Luke looks like a priest.

8. okay, so here is proof right here that robots in the SW universe feel pain, why else would they be torturing them? what is the purpose of giving a droid pain receptors?

9. where did Anakin get all those languages to teach 3-PO? or did that come later?

10. of all of the scenes that they added to the movies this one with the random musical number is the absolute least necessary and least welcome. what purpose does this serve? Other to detract from the bit where the girl gets dropped in the hole and eaten.

11. I never noticed before but that twilek has her boobs out. what rating is this film did you say?

12. So I'd like to point out here that Leia left the rebellion, the big galaxy saving organization that she was leading, to go save her boyfriend. that does not seem like the responsible thing to do.

13. She is not very good at stealth.

14. Wearing that mask constantly must be really stuffy.

15. maybe it woulda been smarter to transport him out quietly while people were sleeping and let solo out in a safer environment, one with doctors.

16. I feel like Jabba wouldn't want to risk having to fight the rebel alliance. he's just a smuggler, they're a military and now he has 2 of their generals captive.

17. I can't tell, when the guard stumble back are they clutching their throats cos Luke's choking them or are they saluting?

18. that outfit of Leia's does not look comfortable.

19. that must be really embarrassing for Leia being almost naked like that in front of her brother.

20. shame luke doesn't consider using his force persuade on the rancor, it's probably pretty weak minded.

21. Why did he throw a rock at the button instead of using force push? I guess there's no evidence that he actually CAN use force push, only pull.

22. that poor guy, look killed his puppy.

23. the person who would get the most enjoyment out of Leia's outfit is the only one who cannot see. oh irony.

24. them banthas are on their way to the sarlacc pit. A bantha loves a good execution in the morning.

25. some of these new additions to the movie like the sarlacc simply feel like Lucas had no faith in his original film, like he spent 20 years feeling like nobody could like it, despite its popularity.

26. slight alteration in the script; when luke is standing there with his hand in the air waiting for the light saber Boba Fett shoots him. the end.

27. after all this time being a mysterious badass bounty hunter and Boba goes out like a punk.

28. Leia's gotta be damn strong to strangle him to death through all that fat.

29. the blind guys probably not the best one to be saving Lando.

30. that was a damn good shot. if Luke's hand wasn't made of metal it would have been an incapacitating shot.

31. and that folks is why alcohol is bad. they shoot one end of the ship and the chain reaction from all the booze blows up the whole ship.

32. 'an old friend' must literally be referring to his age because if you think about it he was only training with him for a week, if that, and it's been at most a couple months since they met.

33. its impressive that the Emperor looks older here than in the movies considering the order of the creation and considering its the same actor.

34. maybe if you'd lived on a world with healthcare it wouldn't be so bad, Yoda.

35. no other jedi was forced to confront a full on sith lord to stop being a padawan! this seems very unreasonable of Yoda.

36. I love how Yoda tries to avoid the question.

37. gotta say, killing jedi does mean for a real easy body clean up.

38. From a certain point of view.

39. Everything that Obi Wan is saying is TECHNICALLY true, but not exactly.

40. this whole section about Luke having a sister feels like it should be a big reveal moment, but it's handed over like 'oh btw here's info you should know.'

41. it's sad to know that all the other coloured mon calamari were killed before this movie. I'm assuming that's why there were different coloured ones in rogue one, but they all look identical in this one.

42. I feel like Solo is a bad choice of general to do the strike team. He's the best pilot not the best soldier. Also Leia's a weird choice to go on a mission like this. she's a leader not an operative.

43. The millennium Falcon should really be crewed by 7. pilot, copilot, weapons officer, navigation, 2 gunners and an engineer (or an astromech would work) I wonder if he has the full crew with him.

44. they got very close for people trying to keep their distance.

45. there really is no reason they should bring 3-po. and he's not exactly high camo.

46. the way the 2 more speeder troopers were just watching waiting makes me laugh.

47. when you turn and there's a giant tree stump about to blow you up maybe turn instead of screaming for 5 seconds.

48. they travelled a long way on those speeders, that's gonna be a hell of a hike back.

49. oh look its a low budget wookie.

50. food, the best way to an alien creatures heart.

51. That little ewok, Wicket W. Warwick, is the 11 year old Warwick Davis. I thought you ought to know.

52. Do you think that the emperor actually knew about the small rebel force or do you think he just wanted to be mysterious.

53. Chewbacca is supposed to be intelligent. he should be able to tell a trap when he sees one. or at least not want to eat things just lying around.

54. R2, king of 'oh ffs, I'll do it.

55. what were the ewoks waiting for? they captured them but didn't show up until they freed themselves.

56. someone must have brought a protocol droid to the forest moon of endor and they thought it was a god some time in the past.

57. People think the Ewoks are all cute and happy and friendly but remember they were originally going to eat the film's protagonists.

58. some deity, he gives orders and they just ignore him.

59. I don't blame R2 for tasing them.

60. that's Warwick davis 'humping' Han solo's leg there.

 61. Han solo's kinda a douche.

62. Leia cannot remember her real mother. and I don't think Leia would know what Luke means by 'real mother'. Do you think that Leia even knew that she was adopted.

63. 'i felt his presence.' the line that spawned a thousand Christmas jokes.

64. "You'll learn to use it as I have." No she won't, count on that.

65. 'somehow I've always known' then why did you make out with your brother?

66. I wonder where Luke got the Kyber crystal for his lightsaber.

67. i like how that giant satellite dish has a bunch of smaller satellite dishes.

68. What is the purpose of the secret entrance on the other side of the ridge?

69. is it me or does the emperor's throne room look like it's just a storage room that they haven't finished clearing out?

70. I can't tell if The Emperor is a stereotype or if this is why that is a stereotype.

71. it's a shame that none of the rebels have radios, if they did they could have waited for Han to tell them that the shield was down.

72. Itsh a Trap!

73. that was a nice religious war you just started R2. get the ewoks god in danger and they attack.

74. is it just me or should the arrows of a bunch of savages just bounce off the armour designer to stop low impact blaster shots?

75. smart move this time; make the guns work on the battlestation first, not last.

76. how did the blast go through the shield? is it a one way shield?

77. Han shows no emotion or care that R2 basically just died.

78. poor nameless ewok, we hardly... we didn't remotely know thee.

79. how do the ewoks know how to pilot that thing? wtf?

80. Hey! Luke has the high ground! Awesome he just won i think.

81. Nevermind, Vader is wise to that trick now, he removed the high ground.

82. they have blasters, the ewoks have tiny people sized spears. just kill them all.

83. vader threatening Leia and getting his arm cut off is a prime example of 'talk shit, get hit.'

84. it wasn't exactly an even exchange though. Ani lost a robo hand he'd already lost, Luke lost his actual hand.

85. When I was a kid because I was scared of Empire strikes back and didn't watch it much I thought that when he cut off Vader's hand it had somehow fused to his wrist.

86. That's a big explosion for the amount of charges they placed.

87. This is a weird statement; I assume Anakin had his penis burned off and has no ability to have more kids, otherwise they would have made a little vader army, right?

88. it IS impressive how they manage to make Vader look so emotive despite that mask.

89. it was always the lightning in Luke's teeth that made me cringe most.

90. I wonder if Vader's dying because of the electricity, or because the Emperor was using Darth plagueis' life saving force magic to keep him alive.

91. in the first movie they had to shoot down a tiny exhaust vent, in this movie you can take a whole ship down.

92. how does luke know that the removal of the mask will kill him?

93. I swear laser fire just came from a place on the falcon that there were no guns.

94. she's super ambiguous about that whole loving luke thing, like Han is supposed to know that they're siblings. 'obviously I love him' how is he supposed to know you mean sisterly love?

95. I feel like Luke would have removed the vader gear before the funeral. a symbol that when he died and is now being cremated it is as anakin, not vader.

96. I don't know what all these cities are so happy about, they still have a ton of imperial leaders and armies that are in control, just cos the death stars gone and so is the emperor doesn't mean you can relax.

97. the ewok/rebellion party is one of the most awkward things in the history of movies

98. the pilots should really find some place to put their helmets.

99. in episode 3 they make it very clear you need special training to do the return from the dead ghost thing. but Anakin just does it. weird.

100. I absolutely hate the fact that they put in Hayden Christensen's Anakin in as the ghost at the end. He absolutely would not look like that,, he was 30 years older. I get putting a more light side version, but what they did originally was perfect. he doesn't get younger!

That is the end of the original trilogy.

I still have one or 2 that I've done so stay tuned.

Monday 14 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 5: Comments

And so... Episode 5, the empire strikes back!

1. Episode 5. the 6th movie chronologically and 2nd movie to be made.

2. Luke went from that new guy in red squadron to leader of the whole rebel base in a real short time according to this flying text.

3. you think that flying text is a problem in star wars universe? you think you gotta take random flying text exposition into account when you plot hyperspace coordinates?

4. does Vader know his name is skywalker? if so why hasn't he put together that he's his son yet? hangs around with obi wan, found on his own home planet, seems obvious.

5. those masks seem pretty pointless if you gotta take them off every time you call into base. or did he only do that for cinematic effect?

6. how did Luke's readings not pick up the life signs of that wampa that surprised him?

7. Luke gets surprised by things pretty easy early in these movies. first sand people now this?

8. wait why don't they go out in x-wings? they perform in the cold vacuum of space where there's no heat. how is the cold going to affect them?

9. Luke has no idea what the force can do. how does he even know to try force pulling the light saber? Let me guess; the force?

10. poor alec guinness, hated the character so much he had him killed off in the first movie, and then they keep bringing him back.

11. yoda did not instruct you, not really.

12. I wonder if he had to leave Lukes head out to keep it from suffocating him.

13. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

14. so did they spend all night working on the speeders to save han?

15. what if they hadn't finished the speeders? would they have had to walk back?

16. God Damnit Leia, that is your brother. you will give him ideas. Luke don't enjoy it too much.

17. there's not a lot of leeway for danger in these ships. what if his ship springs a leak? he'll be dead instantly.

18. that's some pretty awesome aim.

19. so... it seems like they only just arrived on Hoth, only just finished up their searches of the area so how did they have the time to build that giant ion cannon?

20. if they knew that the speeders didn't work right then why didn't they send the x wings to destroy the at ats? we know that they work. And they have proved to destroy them.

21. why were the speeder guys good enough to blow them up once they'd fallen over?

22. Luke's just flying around with a corpse in his back seat.

23. Luke just isn't having a good film.

24. that At-At just crushed Lukes co-pilot's body.

25. that turret WAS a surprise. never see it again.

26. What is it with Vader arriving just as the ship Leia is on leaves?

27. It must be so boring flying on automatic in a fighter like an X Wing. at least with the falcon you can go have a chat.

28. Han and Chewie just left the cockpit in the middle of a firefight. probably not smart.

29. Leia probably should have mentioned the asteroids before getting hit.

30. you were told about the magic master by a magic ghost of your magic mentor. stop complaining that you don't know if he's real.

31. If you weren't going to eat that sausage why not let him have it?

32. probably a good thing they made R2 stay, after all it woulda been a pain figuring out how to make his wheels work there.

33. the fact that he has no legs must make it a pain kneeling.

34. Emperor realises that Skywalker is the son of skywalker before skywalker knows skywalker is the son of skywalker.

35. Yes obi wan you were very different. for one you were a child.

36. obi wan was definitely reckless. even at the end where he got himself cut in half.

37.What kind of training is carrying a dwarf around on your back and doing flips?

38. "Clear your mind of questions" "there is no why" these are not good teaching methods

39. why live in a place of dark side?

40. He just told you you wouldn't need the weapons and he was concerned you were too aggressive when you started. maybe this is a test. maybe leave the weapons.

41. dreaming about vader now? someone's got a cruuush.

42. 3-PO is only doing his job!

43. R2 beeping must be distracting.

44. Yoda is old you can't just drop him like that!

45. there is no try.

46. yoda looks like he wasn't expecting that to work.

47. You asked for the training, Luke. don't be a bitch when its hard.

48. that liquids gotta ruin the pilot seat leather.

49. killing your commander every time he does something wrong is going to make for a very unskilled workforce.

50. 3-PO has legitimate intelligence, and they just turned him off. that's assault.

51. Leia can be such a tease sometimes.

52. Don't lift up sentient things and then drop them, jeez.

53. hey its the 1 black guy in the original trilogy.

54. i'm pretty sure they want leia alive as well.

55. han solo king of sass. no problem with the droid, no.

56. how did they arrive before han? they went the opposite way and didn't know where they were going.

57. this deals getting worse all the time!

58. I feel terrible is a pretty big understatement after the torture.

59. how does Lando know Luke's on his way.

60. "I know."

61. oooh a hancicle!

62. I am altering the deal. pray I don't alter it any further.

63. R2 makes a lot of nise.

64. was that man with the metal earmuffs controlled by Lando's watch?

65. well obviously it's a trap but he still wants to save his... what? at this point you made out with him last time you saw each other are you dating now?

66. I don't think they ever mention sith in the original star wars.

67. It's not exactly the epic battle that they had between Obi Wan and Anakin.

68. when did you open that hole in the ground.

69. Vader is impressed easily.

70. Vader needed to freeze luke. what's his plan now?

71. Vader's not exactly stealthy with that breathing.

72. Oooh I see a hidden mickey!

73. Luke's aim is getting worse

74. the empire controls the city, why didn't they shut down the elevators?

75. I mean... R2 should really have been able to tell the difference between a power socket and a computer terminal.

76. they probably should have listen to R2's warning that the hyperdrive wouldn't work.

77. 3-PO just mentioned something hurting. What mad man would develop robots with pain receptors?

78. what are those safety rails made of to survive lightsaber blasts.

79. I am your father.

80. Why doesn't Vader just force lift Luke back up?

81. how does Luke survive that fall?

82. where does his lightsaber go that some old lady can find it in 30 years?

83. this used to be lando's ship, why not him pilot it instead of Leia who doesn't know what she's doing?

84. He started calling Vader father real quickly.

85. Did R2 just drop on Chewies head?

86. the way Vader looks back at the place they jumped from is just so 'are you feckign kidding me?'

87. why is Lando wearing Han's clothes?

88. I get why they'd give Luke pain receptors in his fake hand, but not in robots.

That's the end of Empire

Monday 7 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 4: comments

Forgot to finish this, my bad. Comments on Star Wars Episode 4

1. episode 4, the fifth film chronologically, 4th film in the series but the very first to be made.

2. why is Leia a princess? her real mom was an elected queen for a couple of years but literally nobody knows that and her dad is a senator. you don't become a princess of the senate do you? Americans; you have a senate, how many princesses do you have?

3. Leia has not been alive in a galaxy that has known freedom, yet she fights hardest for it.

4. there are literally no ways that R2 and 3-po could have gotten on the ship after it left the battle of Scarif.

5. one of the rebel soldiers, when I was a kid I always thought it was han solo when I was a kid.

6. those are 2 very lucky droids.

7. Darth vader is SUCH a stereotype. look at him all black and ominous with random techy stuff all over him. what does that panel on his chest even do? is it a microwave? does it work his disco lighting? what is it?!

8. Okay, this is where Rogue one kinda ruined this film for me a little bit. the consular ship of Leia’s literally ran away from the battle of scarif. vader saw it, he fought across the ship carrying it. they've just caught up with the exact same ship I'm assuming the same day since Leia is wearing the same clothes and if it was any longer then they woulda had the time to give the plans to another ship or transmitted them. How are they even trying to pretend that didn't happen. it's like Vader walked in saying 'I saw you running from my ship.' and they just reply 'no you didn't.' over and over.

9. Vader just doesn't know his own strength. I don't think he was done with that guy.

10. Leia's gun looks like a regular gun that's had plumbing supplies attached.

11. who cares if there are no life forms? what if something really common to them that doesn't show life like, say, a droid was on it?

12. See after watching Rogue one I kinda feel more on Vader's side. like how can they pretend that they weren't just watched leaving the battle and getting the plans?

13. Also can I point out that if the guys shooting at 3-po to make him enter the pod had radio'd in to the turret guys this wouldn't have happened.

14. see if they had just programmed their droids like robots, not artificial intelligence all this would be much simpler. RR2 is now designated team leader 3-PO just follows commands.

15. that is a big skeleton. Krayte dragons must be scary.

16. there is no way the jawas heard him from that distance. they must have just seen soemthign shiny.

17. I just wanna know what jawas look like without their hoods.

18. R2 shoulda used his thrusters to fly to obiwan.

19. i know from watching episode 3 that the place they put R2's restraining bolt is literally just a door. If R2 just opened the door and had 3-po take it off he woulda been fine.

20. why do they give 3-po the ability to blink?

21. I wonder if the empire rented those lizard mounts or if they had them on the ship the whole time.

22. what was the 'look sir droids' guy doing on his knees in front of that other stormtrooper?

23. it only took R2 like 2 seconds to wake up that time, It takes him about 2/3 of a movie in episode 7.

24. Luke is about 20 here. at his age his father had become a fully fledged jedi knight. His mother had won a war as a queen and become a senator and his sister was fighting the empire as one of the leaders of the rebel alliance. Luke likes to play with toy shuttles.

25. Power converters cannot be something fun, I don't care what universe your in.

26. that r2 unit looks like it has a lightsaber coming out of its head.

27. how does R2 not remember the farm his former masters family lived on?

28. There's a reason 3-po's memory was wiped. he's known Luke all of 10 minutes and he's telling him about the rebellion. can you imagine if he was found by imperials?

29. Dude, thats your sister. stop it.

30. Yay blue milk!

31. You would not want to shut power down in the desert. the warmth is the only thing keeping you alive.

32. Why is 3-po driving the speeder?

33. why isn't R2 using his wheels? just hobbling along.

34. what is it with Obi-wan touching faces to see if people are alive?

35. "I haven't gone by the name of obi wan since,oh before you were born" I mean... that's not true. maybe since oh the day after you were born?

36. How does Obi Wan not recognize the droid he spent literally 20 years with?

37. You think those beeps and whirrs from R2 were him being offended that obi wan didn't know him? cos i would be.

38."your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough." is a very loose interpretation of what happened.

39. He's just waving a super dangerous blade around like a toy.

40. Notice he conveniently forgets to mention Midichlorians.

41. did he serve senator organa? is that really how you'd see what happened?

42. no wonder Own was afraid of obiwan taking Luke on some damn idealistic crusade. he's not even been there 10 minutes and he's already planning a trip.

43. obi wan, master of guilt trips.

44. I thought the battle station was fully operational.

45. I mean... they know what vader can do... why would they talk to him like a bitch?

46. i feel like 200 years isn't long enough to forget something like the Jedi.

47. Only imperial stormtroopers are so precise aye? and yet they can't hit a thing when an MC turns up.

48. did someone order an aunt beru and an uncle owen extra crispy? Also what weapon did they use to do that? every other gun I've seen them use has just left a black mark on them.

49. that whole thing with the torture droid is just bad parenting.

50. if you really look at the torture droid it's just a ball with a syringe and forceps.

51. What purpose was there for them to fly up onto the ridge overlooking mos eisley except cinematic reasons?

52. Luke became real good at lying real fast.

53. I wonder if there are people all around watching the interaction with the troopers just thinking 'why is he just repeating whatever the old guy says?

54. So obi wan's outfit in this movie is where all other jedi outfits stem from, but his outfit here is just a normal desert outfit, not dissimilar to lukes.

55. what do they have against droids?

56. at least he mentioned the no droids thing before R2 made it down the stairs.

57. Oh hey look its those guys! They made it off scarif. After such a close call you'd hope they would rethink their lives of villainy, but no. and now they never will.

58. yeah that lightsabre didn't totally stand out or anything.

59. holy crap I just realised that's a different cantina song.

60. Haha, 12 parsecs, the statement that caused a thousand nerds to tie themselves in knots to come up with an explanation.

61. oh hey, it seems Greedo really did shoot first! which goes to show bounty hunters have terrible aim. how do you miss someone that close unless you shoot second?

62. i completely forgot that 3-po and r2 literally belong to Luke. and yet 3-po spends all his time with Leia. birthday gift maybe?

63. how did he find out about greedo? Han only just killed him.

64. I mean... he's not a human being...

65. I thought he already put a huge bounty on Han.

66. 'load your weapons' with what? aren't they just lasers? what do you load lasers with? double A. batteries?

67. I love that his 'maneuvers' is flying left.

68. Everyones calling Tarkin 'Governor' not 'grand moff'. Why did I always think grand moff tarkin?

69. there's something very fatherly about how Vader holds her back from Tarkin.

70. "you don't believe in the force, do you?" he says a little offended, about the magical field that he only learned about like 7 hours ago.

71. She didn't tell you where the rebel base is so you give up and kill her? that's a really smart, she's your one link, just keep probing her mind. what's that? she made you mad so you want her dead? fair enough I guess.

72. that was just rude. vader was talking to him and just walked off mid sentence. Since when vader? since when did you last sense it?

73. i feel like someone would have heard those blasters.

74. was that storm trooper down by the ship luke? cos he got to the tower with the others really quick if he was walking inconspicuously.

75. "Ben is a great man!" You barely know him.

76. luke's talking like Han has been there the whole time. he doesn't know what message you're talking about.

77. there must be security cameras all over the death star. how has nobody noticed Obi Wan.

78. how many prisoners do you think they have? I mean it's not like the base has been in operation long.

79. Luke goes from never killed anyone to killed a ton of people real fast.

80. You're in the middle of an enemy planet killer base and you're sassing the soldier that came to you? and your best sass is you're short?

81. they shoulda kept their helmets the disguise is not so good without the helmets.

82. how does look disappear under the water? it's not even knee high water.

83. 3-po just sold the others out pretty harshly.

84. those guys literally just saw obi wan but chose to ignore him.

85. you're on guard, you think it might be a drill/test and you ignore the noise that's clearly meant to be seen.

86. why are the 10 stormtroopers running away from 1 guy?

87. ah cool, luke's bat-belt is coming in handy. Why does he have a grappling hook? what purpose could that serve a moisture farmer.

88. Leia that is your brother! Don't give him any ideas! Don't tell me you didnt realise, in 2 films time you'll be saying somehow you always knew.

89. Close the blast doors! Open the blast doors!

90. yeah mate, stop to go watch the fight. that makes sense.

91. Luke just alerted everyone to their presence.

92. Leia comforts luke after he just lost the guy he barely knows. nobody gives a shit that Leia just lost her whole world, her family, her friends, everyone she's ever known.

93. when did they give Luke that course on yt-1300 turret control?

94. wait, if Leia knows they're tracking them why does she actually let them take it back to the rebel base.

95. it's weird that they never invented bras in the star wars universe. A civilisation is so much more advanced than us and they never invented bras, really?

96. that guy with the weird camera that points at the millenium falcon. what does that do? I mean, the falcon can't be a registered and authorized ship, so why does he point, decide its cool and stop.

97. killing pest animals for fun is a sign of a serial killer.

98. when Han says may the force be with you he sounds sarcastic.

99. stop that leia. he's gonna get a crush!

100. biggs will never hear his stories. Biggs isn't coming back.

101. hearing voices is a sign of insanity. which doesn't couple well with the serial killer thing.

102. how do any of them know when to announce themselves? they didn't go in numerical order.

103. those X wings wouldn't be able to fly like that.

104. yes, yes, there's no point being safe just in case. there's no way they could destroy it. they've not beaten us before, except all those times.

105. maybe while they were slowly flying behind with no security behind another team, say maybe red 5s team should have entered the trench behind and killed them?

106. how do they cover someone when the enemies are behind them?

107. "R2 Generic sci fi sounding instruction!"

108. I swear it looks like Biggs spills his coffee when he dies.

109. Luke is way more concerned about R2, a droid he just met, when he gets hit than Biggs when he dies.

110. I feel like the targeting computers weren't hurting him so much as they seem to imply with the force and stuff.

111. who gave han the rebel alliance com codes?

112. that was a very quick chain reaction and explosion.

113. still hearing things I see...

114. that looks like a lot of damage to r2. you think he'll still have all his memories? in my experience machines like that lose hard drives when they take that much damage.

115. the scene with the medals implies way more of a legal governmental thing than the rebellion has.

116. did the engineer let R2 out of the hospital a little late and he had to run all the way down?

that is the end of Episode 4