All words presented in this blog are purely opinion, not fact - unless specifically stated otherwise in the post.

Monday 28 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 7: Comments

Star wars Episode 7 comments. I have seen episode 8 but will not be commenting on it or on Solo for the foreseeable future, maybe one day though.. Next week will be the last one, Rogue One and then we are done!
1. Episode 7 is the only film that was named correctly on release. It is the 7th movie, it was made 7th, but sadly because of rogue one it is now 8th chronologically.
2. Luke has vanished. Typical Jedi.
3. 'skywalker, the last jedi' I wonder what episode 8 will be about.
4. See 'general organa' makes sense. she's leading troops. makes way more sense than princess.
5. If she has the support of the Republic then is it a resistance or just the republic army?
6. If Leia really wanted to find luke she should have turned R2 on.
7. Who is the old ally? do we have any frame of reference for this guy? was he in one of the old films? Shoulda made it Wedge Antilles.
8. why are they called the first order? is this part of that list of orders that Order 66 came from?
9. Stormtrooper masks look like donald duck.
10. R2 jr is fat.
11. How can any of them understand BB8 ? even Luke had to use a translator.
12. What happened to the machinery that lifted BB8 up by his head? it sort of disappeared and started pushing him from below.
13. this is a future world and they're using little leather string bags to hold data drives...
14. Here we have the beginning of the film were the rebellion- I mean resistance agent hands the plans- I mean map over to her droid R2- I mean BB8 before getting captured by the movie's sith apprentice Darth Vader- I mean Kylo ren and then tortured for information. It's so different from the original.
15. Woulda been a very different film if Poe had killed that storm trooper.
16. okay. people say Kylo Ren is a bitch and yes sometimes, but Vader could never hold a person in place unable to move while simultaneously holding a blaster bolt in mid shot for an entire conversation.
17. I assume that stormtrooper blasters have almost infinite ammo because otherwise that was really a waste of shots, blowing up that wrecked x-wing.
18. good thing Poe didn't take his favorite black x-wing after what just happened.
19. Oh hey it's the only black guy in this era of star wars!
20. And here we have our protagonist, a young person who lives on a desert planet with no real knowledge of her parents and who chafes at the restrictions the people who lead her place upon her. I'm not sure which protagonist I just described.
21. I know that star destroyers not going to just turn on but I'm still cringing the way Rey's just stood inside the booster rocket.
22. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
23. Oh look a Jawa- I mean random alien just found our information carrying droid and is trying to abduct it, but down worry our protagonist Luke- I mean Rey just acquired him from the jawas- tido.
24. Here's another way Kylo ren is actually more powerful than Vader; He just pulled the information he needed from Poe. I guess Maybe Leia was just stronger than Poe.
25. didn't a pair of characters in Episode 4 crash land on a desert world from an imperial death star and then get separated?
26. The Bromance is real!
27. Could you imagine if you told someone your name and they said 'What? Well I ain't using it.' and made up a new name for you? dick move Poe. Dick Move.
28. Bill weasleys gotten very severe since we last saw him.
29. well that kind of ends that argument.
30. that armour must be super hot in the desert. I guess it might have air con.
31. how did Poe leave his jacket behind?
32. what is it with the black guys in this movie series stealing the white guys clothes? First Lando now Rey.
33. Surprisingly normal clothes under the storm trooper armour.
34. that was a solid punch to the face Rey just took.
35. that moment when you and your friends droid's eye meet from across the room.
36. she and BB-8 just beat on a black man for no real reason, without asking the story. typical.
37. I'm not the one who chased you down with a stick! - he has a point.
38. Stop Taking My Hand!
39. How did she learn to fly? My understanding is she's never left the planet, she's spent her whole time there salvaging to stay alive. How'd she learn to fly?
40. The garbage will do.
41. What happens if the tool BB-8 wants to use is in a compartment underneath it?
42. Since they're flying low it makes more sense to me for him to be in the turret on top of the ship.
43. how is it that this universe is so advanced they've invented space travel but their spaceship targeting systems is made in what looks like MS-dos?
44. And this is the moment that Rey decides to try a Crazy Ivan!
45. I mean, yes Kylo Ren's anger is scary. But it could be worse. remember what happened when people gave Vader bad news like that. force choke. death. Kylo's a step up. At least I dont think Kylo killed him.
46. Our protagonist Luke- I mean Rey just returned the droid with the plans, R2- I mean BB-8 to the one expected to take care of it and is now reluctant to take the droid to the rebel base on Alderaan- I mean the resistance base in the Illenium System.
47. Welcome back Han and Chewie!
48. okay now, I want you to pay special attention to the damage Chewie does with his bowcaster (the blaster)
49. Frigging Parsecs.
50. chewies looking good. not a single grey hair.
51. "What was the second time?"
52. I can't help but laugh whenever I see the rathtars they remind me of the pervy monster from FF
53. every other person the rathtars ate, btu Fin they just cary off. seems a bit convenient.
54. why does blasting door controls seem to do exactly what the blaster wants?
55. I feel like this reveal that Han solo is Kylo Ren's father is premature and underwhelming. Imagine, if you will, that we waited until the bridge scene.
56. Poor Rey, just wanted some praise.
57. Jeez, any time a Jedi Master trains an apprentice that wipes out the whole order they just disappear and become hermits. Get a new tune already, jeez.
58. Han never wondered. He didn't believe, and had never heard of it. then he'd heard of it and he didn't believe. Then he was proven right, he believed and he knew about it. He never wondered. He's too confident for that.
59. the worlds of Star Wars are very strange. All the planets seem to have 1 climate throughout. you get a forest world, a snow world, a desert world. No mixed climates etc...
60. that droid looks like it's made out of Rey's speeder.
61. sounds like the cantina band got a new song.
62. Kylo Ren is kind of like the polar opposite of Luke and Anakin. where they were light side that felt a pull to the dark that they wanted to avoid, Ren is a dark side that feels a pull to the light that he wants to avoid.
63. there's a line here where she asks han who the girl is. it almost seems like they know who rey's parents are.
64. Hearing voices is a sign of madness.
65. BB-8 climbing down the stairs is super cute.
66. That didn't go exactly as the old lady expected, but what did she expect after such a scary vision?
67. if the galaxy wasn't united against the First Order before they used Starkiller base they certainly will be after. the republic didn't want people to know they supported the resistance? well now they have every reason to support them.
68. How did they transform 1 huge beam into 5 separate beams that hit 5 planets perfectly.
69. Finn says that it was the republic. are you telling me that 100% of the republic was on those 5 planets?
70. How did BB-8 climb up the stairs?
71. yes it is a good question last time we saw that lightsaber it was falling with a severed hand into cloud city.
72. I mean... it might be for the best destroying that statue. it's pretty arrogant and pompous to have a statue of yourself.
73. Rey looks at the blaster like she didn't know it would do that.
74. BB-8 is pretty quick to abandon people.
75. I'd like to make sure at this point everyone is paying attention to how much damage the Bowcaster Chewie uses is doing.
76. I get that the lightsaber is a weapon, but it's not one he's used to. telling him 'you have one' is kind of a dick move since that's clearly not what he was asking for.
77. How come Poe is the only one that's allowed a custom coloured X-wing?
78. this whole section reminds me of a computer game cgi animation where they are just trying to show off how powerful the main character is just before returning to the regular game and you can't do any of that stuff.
79. Bromance continues.
80. Kylo shows more of his skills here where he holds her in place with her arm behind her back and reads her mind before knocking her unconscious with a click of the fingers. Vader couldn't do most of that.
81. The wings of that carrier ship just don't look right.
82. Leia has not aged nearly as well as han.
83. Oh hey I didn't recognise 3-po because of the red arm. I'm glad they said it was him.
84. if Finn didn't realise it was Poe Dameron flying then why on earth was he rushing out there?
85. the Bromance expands.
86. Chewie with the doctor is great.
87. how is it that Luke's droid has all the information they need but they don't? surely they'd download it's maps first?
88. "Princes'" translation: "bitches."
89. It is very unlikely R2 will have the rest of the map in the backup data. Yeah super unlikely.
90. I really wish they didn't have all of this explanation of their failings with Kylo Ren. Maybe talk about how they lost their son, but not about how it's Kylo Ren. It would have made much more of an impact if it all happened on that bridge.
91. Oh man he's going to take off his mask, I wonder what he looks like? Super scarred? super deformed? super attractive maybe as a contrast to historical sith?
92. Oh... Okay... I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting under that mask but... well it wasn't that.
93. I really wish they'd waited until the bridge with Han Solo to take the mask off for the first time. much bigger impact.
94. "You know I can take whatever I want." Whoa kylo that sounded really rapey. Cool your jets.
95. imagine this whole scene where he's trying to break into her mind without any of the audio. it would just be weird.
96. how rubbish is any rebellion/resistance Leia is involved in that whenever they always get tracked back to their base?
97. How does Rey have any idea what she can do with the force? Anakin needed to be taught, Luke needed to be taught. Why is it that she just knows how to force suggest. She doesn't even know that's a possibility. At least the others knew what the possibilities were, they saw others doing it.
98. those 2 storm troopers are the smartest in the whole movie.
99. would the starkiller base ever be able to fire again after this shot? they use up the whole sun which would basically destroy the entire system throwing the planets into complete disarray, btu beyond that, the weapon has no power source and it's no station like the death star, can it move? I'm not sure it can.
100. Why did they call Han 'major'?
101. the amount of work it would take to build that starkiller would be more than could be done in a human life span and it's only been 30 years since Episode 6.
102. that line from Leia 'if you see our son, bring him home' is why he dies.
103. for such an old ship that's always on the edge of falling apart it can't half take a few knocks.
104. oooooh Darth vader- I mean Kylo ren just felt his old master- I mean father Obi Wan- I mean Han solo's presence.
105. that was not a quiet shot. How did nobody hear it.
106. I love how everyone in movies trying to stealth does the weird constipated crouch walk.
107. I assume that when Rey climbs into the wall she climbs out somewhere else.
108. After all of those big trailers making Phasma look epic she went out like a punk.
109. what if Han hadn't got the shields down? were they just going back and forth around the area waiting for the shields to go down?
110. why did Rey never think to use the elevator? I guess cos there were no ships out there.
111. Rey must be super cold out there in her Jakku clothes.
112. hope you're all still paying attention to how powerful the bowcaster is.
113. but HOW does the girl know her stuff? is all this present imperial tech entirely based on old pre new republic star destroyer tech?
114. What was the better idea chewie had? I don't speak walking carpet!
115. i hope they have gloves. climbing that frozen metal ladder might cause frostbite.
116. This is where they should have revealed that Kylo ren was Hans son. this is where they should have taken off his mask for the first time. It would have had so much more impact. taking away his monstrousness and making him human just before the final fight.
117. that said I would probably be comparing it to Luke and Vader on the bridge thing on cloud city.
118. yeah right there, imagine that line 'the face of my son' was the reveal. then get an actor that looks like Han.
119. How did the lightsaber go from sideways aiming away from both of them to aiming forwards towards him?
120. Here's where the protagonist watches her brand new mentor die and cries about the guy she met about a day before.
121. Leia never learned to be a Jedi, but she still felt Han lose his presence.
122. Okay, here's why I've been reminding you to look at how powerful the bowcaster is. It's been throwing storm troopers around, fully armed troopers thrown back several meters. killed instantly. But then it hits kylo ren and not only does it not kill him, it doesn't even throw him back and he still fights 2 people after. People say that Kylo ren sucks because he loses to 2 people who never fought with light sabers before. But remember he was shot in the gut buy that ridiculously powerful weapon.
123. Why would Finn throw his preferred weapon away just before a fight?
124. I always thought Anakin/luke's lightsaber looked uncomfortable to hold.
125. why when Kylo was trying to force pull the lightsaber did he dodge out of the way when it came towards him, like he wasn't expecting it?
126. Now it's time for Luke- I mean Poe to fly down the trench of the Death star- I mean Starkiller base to destroy the whole thing in 1 attack just as they are prepared to fire on the rebellion- I mean Resistance base.
127. You also need to remember that Kylo didn't want to kill Rey, He was trying to turn her to take her to Snoak or to get her to learn from him. She could go all out and kill him, he couldn't.
128. How does she know to close her eyes and meditate for Lightsaber training?
129. How does that work?
130. It's very polite of him to wait for her to be ready.
131. She seemed way too angry in that fight for a Jedi.
132. considering how much of the area was destroyed where Finn was left seems pretty unharmed.
133. Leia's never met Rey before but they're hugging like they're age old friends and the only ones who give a crap about Han. Rey only met him yesterday and he was kinda a dick.
134. nobody even though to hug Chewie.
135. Oh NOW you wake up R2... oh wait... R2 Awakened...R2 is the force!
136. How is it R2 has exactly everything except the bit they have? it's almost as if it was planned that he would show them at a specific time.
137. Why does Rey get the Millenium Falcon and the wookie? She barely knew him. they could have taken any ship to find luke but they took the fastest ship in the fleet!
138. Oh hey there's 3-po. I can tell now cos he has 2 gold arms.
139. I feel like that should have been the end, where rey and chewie fly off into hyperspace, then save the other stuff for the next movie, when she first arrives. or maybe do it in a post credits scene? but not at the end of this film, it just drags it on a bit long and ruins the successful tone from the end of the fight.
140. How is R2 gonna get up all those stairs? rocket boots?
141. I maintain that luke was peeing off the side of the cliff when we found him.
142. this bit where they just stare at each other is one of the most awkward things in star wars. It goes on for 50 seconds. 33 of that she's holding her arm out with a pretty weighty looking lightsaber in hand. Have you ever stared silently at someone for 50 seconds without looking away? it feels like a long time. go ahead, do it now. And add to that holding a 4kg weight in front of you for 30 seconds, arm straight... not fun.
143. do you think he was wondering if she found his hand as well?
144. he just looks so grumpy.
145. this is the only movie that's credits music is so mellow. I miss the excitement.

Last comments section next week for a while, Rogue One.

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