All words presented in this blog are purely opinion, not fact - unless specifically stated otherwise in the post.

Monday, 14 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 5: Comments

And so... Episode 5, the empire strikes back!

1. Episode 5. the 6th movie chronologically and 2nd movie to be made.

2. Luke went from that new guy in red squadron to leader of the whole rebel base in a real short time according to this flying text.

3. you think that flying text is a problem in star wars universe? you think you gotta take random flying text exposition into account when you plot hyperspace coordinates?

4. does Vader know his name is skywalker? if so why hasn't he put together that he's his son yet? hangs around with obi wan, found on his own home planet, seems obvious.

5. those masks seem pretty pointless if you gotta take them off every time you call into base. or did he only do that for cinematic effect?

6. how did Luke's readings not pick up the life signs of that wampa that surprised him?

7. Luke gets surprised by things pretty easy early in these movies. first sand people now this?

8. wait why don't they go out in x-wings? they perform in the cold vacuum of space where there's no heat. how is the cold going to affect them?

9. Luke has no idea what the force can do. how does he even know to try force pulling the light saber? Let me guess; the force?

10. poor alec guinness, hated the character so much he had him killed off in the first movie, and then they keep bringing him back.

11. yoda did not instruct you, not really.

12. I wonder if he had to leave Lukes head out to keep it from suffocating him.

13. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

14. so did they spend all night working on the speeders to save han?

15. what if they hadn't finished the speeders? would they have had to walk back?

16. God Damnit Leia, that is your brother. you will give him ideas. Luke don't enjoy it too much.

17. there's not a lot of leeway for danger in these ships. what if his ship springs a leak? he'll be dead instantly.

18. that's some pretty awesome aim.

19. so... it seems like they only just arrived on Hoth, only just finished up their searches of the area so how did they have the time to build that giant ion cannon?

20. if they knew that the speeders didn't work right then why didn't they send the x wings to destroy the at ats? we know that they work. And they have proved to destroy them.

21. why were the speeder guys good enough to blow them up once they'd fallen over?

22. Luke's just flying around with a corpse in his back seat.

23. Luke just isn't having a good film.

24. that At-At just crushed Lukes co-pilot's body.

25. that turret WAS a surprise. never see it again.

26. What is it with Vader arriving just as the ship Leia is on leaves?

27. It must be so boring flying on automatic in a fighter like an X Wing. at least with the falcon you can go have a chat.

28. Han and Chewie just left the cockpit in the middle of a firefight. probably not smart.

29. Leia probably should have mentioned the asteroids before getting hit.

30. you were told about the magic master by a magic ghost of your magic mentor. stop complaining that you don't know if he's real.

31. If you weren't going to eat that sausage why not let him have it?

32. probably a good thing they made R2 stay, after all it woulda been a pain figuring out how to make his wheels work there.

33. the fact that he has no legs must make it a pain kneeling.

34. Emperor realises that Skywalker is the son of skywalker before skywalker knows skywalker is the son of skywalker.

35. Yes obi wan you were very different. for one you were a child.

36. obi wan was definitely reckless. even at the end where he got himself cut in half.

37.What kind of training is carrying a dwarf around on your back and doing flips?

38. "Clear your mind of questions" "there is no why" these are not good teaching methods

39. why live in a place of dark side?

40. He just told you you wouldn't need the weapons and he was concerned you were too aggressive when you started. maybe this is a test. maybe leave the weapons.

41. dreaming about vader now? someone's got a cruuush.

42. 3-PO is only doing his job!

43. R2 beeping must be distracting.

44. Yoda is old you can't just drop him like that!

45. there is no try.

46. yoda looks like he wasn't expecting that to work.

47. You asked for the training, Luke. don't be a bitch when its hard.

48. that liquids gotta ruin the pilot seat leather.

49. killing your commander every time he does something wrong is going to make for a very unskilled workforce.

50. 3-PO has legitimate intelligence, and they just turned him off. that's assault.

51. Leia can be such a tease sometimes.

52. Don't lift up sentient things and then drop them, jeez.

53. hey its the 1 black guy in the original trilogy.

54. i'm pretty sure they want leia alive as well.

55. han solo king of sass. no problem with the droid, no.

56. how did they arrive before han? they went the opposite way and didn't know where they were going.

57. this deals getting worse all the time!

58. I feel terrible is a pretty big understatement after the torture.

59. how does Lando know Luke's on his way.

60. "I know."

61. oooh a hancicle!

62. I am altering the deal. pray I don't alter it any further.

63. R2 makes a lot of nise.

64. was that man with the metal earmuffs controlled by Lando's watch?

65. well obviously it's a trap but he still wants to save his... what? at this point you made out with him last time you saw each other are you dating now?

66. I don't think they ever mention sith in the original star wars.

67. It's not exactly the epic battle that they had between Obi Wan and Anakin.

68. when did you open that hole in the ground.

69. Vader is impressed easily.

70. Vader needed to freeze luke. what's his plan now?

71. Vader's not exactly stealthy with that breathing.

72. Oooh I see a hidden mickey!

73. Luke's aim is getting worse

74. the empire controls the city, why didn't they shut down the elevators?

75. I mean... R2 should really have been able to tell the difference between a power socket and a computer terminal.

76. they probably should have listen to R2's warning that the hyperdrive wouldn't work.

77. 3-PO just mentioned something hurting. What mad man would develop robots with pain receptors?

78. what are those safety rails made of to survive lightsaber blasts.

79. I am your father.

80. Why doesn't Vader just force lift Luke back up?

81. how does Luke survive that fall?

82. where does his lightsaber go that some old lady can find it in 30 years?

83. this used to be lando's ship, why not him pilot it instead of Leia who doesn't know what she's doing?

84. He started calling Vader father real quickly.

85. Did R2 just drop on Chewies head?

86. the way Vader looks back at the place they jumped from is just so 'are you feckign kidding me?'

87. why is Lando wearing Han's clothes?

88. I get why they'd give Luke pain receptors in his fake hand, but not in robots.

That's the end of Empire

Monday, 7 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 4: comments

Forgot to finish this, my bad. Comments on Star Wars Episode 4

1. episode 4, the fifth film chronologically, 4th film in the series but the very first to be made.

2. why is Leia a princess? her real mom was an elected queen for a couple of years but literally nobody knows that and her dad is a senator. you don't become a princess of the senate do you? Americans; you have a senate, how many princesses do you have?

3. Leia has not been alive in a galaxy that has known freedom, yet she fights hardest for it.

4. there are literally no ways that R2 and 3-po could have gotten on the ship after it left the battle of Scarif.

5. one of the rebel soldiers, when I was a kid I always thought it was han solo when I was a kid.

6. those are 2 very lucky droids.

7. Darth vader is SUCH a stereotype. look at him all black and ominous with random techy stuff all over him. what does that panel on his chest even do? is it a microwave? does it work his disco lighting? what is it?!

8. Okay, this is where Rogue one kinda ruined this film for me a little bit. the consular ship of Leia’s literally ran away from the battle of scarif. vader saw it, he fought across the ship carrying it. they've just caught up with the exact same ship I'm assuming the same day since Leia is wearing the same clothes and if it was any longer then they woulda had the time to give the plans to another ship or transmitted them. How are they even trying to pretend that didn't happen. it's like Vader walked in saying 'I saw you running from my ship.' and they just reply 'no you didn't.' over and over.

9. Vader just doesn't know his own strength. I don't think he was done with that guy.

10. Leia's gun looks like a regular gun that's had plumbing supplies attached.

11. who cares if there are no life forms? what if something really common to them that doesn't show life like, say, a droid was on it?

12. See after watching Rogue one I kinda feel more on Vader's side. like how can they pretend that they weren't just watched leaving the battle and getting the plans?

13. Also can I point out that if the guys shooting at 3-po to make him enter the pod had radio'd in to the turret guys this wouldn't have happened.

14. see if they had just programmed their droids like robots, not artificial intelligence all this would be much simpler. RR2 is now designated team leader 3-PO just follows commands.

15. that is a big skeleton. Krayte dragons must be scary.

16. there is no way the jawas heard him from that distance. they must have just seen soemthign shiny.

17. I just wanna know what jawas look like without their hoods.

18. R2 shoulda used his thrusters to fly to obiwan.

19. i know from watching episode 3 that the place they put R2's restraining bolt is literally just a door. If R2 just opened the door and had 3-po take it off he woulda been fine.

20. why do they give 3-po the ability to blink?

21. I wonder if the empire rented those lizard mounts or if they had them on the ship the whole time.

22. what was the 'look sir droids' guy doing on his knees in front of that other stormtrooper?

23. it only took R2 like 2 seconds to wake up that time, It takes him about 2/3 of a movie in episode 7.

24. Luke is about 20 here. at his age his father had become a fully fledged jedi knight. His mother had won a war as a queen and become a senator and his sister was fighting the empire as one of the leaders of the rebel alliance. Luke likes to play with toy shuttles.

25. Power converters cannot be something fun, I don't care what universe your in.

26. that r2 unit looks like it has a lightsaber coming out of its head.

27. how does R2 not remember the farm his former masters family lived on?

28. There's a reason 3-po's memory was wiped. he's known Luke all of 10 minutes and he's telling him about the rebellion. can you imagine if he was found by imperials?

29. Dude, thats your sister. stop it.

30. Yay blue milk!

31. You would not want to shut power down in the desert. the warmth is the only thing keeping you alive.

32. Why is 3-po driving the speeder?

33. why isn't R2 using his wheels? just hobbling along.

34. what is it with Obi-wan touching faces to see if people are alive?

35. "I haven't gone by the name of obi wan since,oh before you were born" I mean... that's not true. maybe since oh the day after you were born?

36. How does Obi Wan not recognize the droid he spent literally 20 years with?

37. You think those beeps and whirrs from R2 were him being offended that obi wan didn't know him? cos i would be.

38."your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough." is a very loose interpretation of what happened.

39. He's just waving a super dangerous blade around like a toy.

40. Notice he conveniently forgets to mention Midichlorians.

41. did he serve senator organa? is that really how you'd see what happened?

42. no wonder Own was afraid of obiwan taking Luke on some damn idealistic crusade. he's not even been there 10 minutes and he's already planning a trip.

43. obi wan, master of guilt trips.

44. I thought the battle station was fully operational.

45. I mean... they know what vader can do... why would they talk to him like a bitch?

46. i feel like 200 years isn't long enough to forget something like the Jedi.

47. Only imperial stormtroopers are so precise aye? and yet they can't hit a thing when an MC turns up.

48. did someone order an aunt beru and an uncle owen extra crispy? Also what weapon did they use to do that? every other gun I've seen them use has just left a black mark on them.

49. that whole thing with the torture droid is just bad parenting.

50. if you really look at the torture droid it's just a ball with a syringe and forceps.

51. What purpose was there for them to fly up onto the ridge overlooking mos eisley except cinematic reasons?

52. Luke became real good at lying real fast.

53. I wonder if there are people all around watching the interaction with the troopers just thinking 'why is he just repeating whatever the old guy says?

54. So obi wan's outfit in this movie is where all other jedi outfits stem from, but his outfit here is just a normal desert outfit, not dissimilar to lukes.

55. what do they have against droids?

56. at least he mentioned the no droids thing before R2 made it down the stairs.

57. Oh hey look its those guys! They made it off scarif. After such a close call you'd hope they would rethink their lives of villainy, but no. and now they never will.

58. yeah that lightsabre didn't totally stand out or anything.

59. holy crap I just realised that's a different cantina song.

60. Haha, 12 parsecs, the statement that caused a thousand nerds to tie themselves in knots to come up with an explanation.

61. oh hey, it seems Greedo really did shoot first! which goes to show bounty hunters have terrible aim. how do you miss someone that close unless you shoot second?

62. i completely forgot that 3-po and r2 literally belong to Luke. and yet 3-po spends all his time with Leia. birthday gift maybe?

63. how did he find out about greedo? Han only just killed him.

64. I mean... he's not a human being...

65. I thought he already put a huge bounty on Han.

66. 'load your weapons' with what? aren't they just lasers? what do you load lasers with? double A. batteries?

67. I love that his 'maneuvers' is flying left.

68. Everyones calling Tarkin 'Governor' not 'grand moff'. Why did I always think grand moff tarkin?

69. there's something very fatherly about how Vader holds her back from Tarkin.

70. "you don't believe in the force, do you?" he says a little offended, about the magical field that he only learned about like 7 hours ago.

71. She didn't tell you where the rebel base is so you give up and kill her? that's a really smart, she's your one link, just keep probing her mind. what's that? she made you mad so you want her dead? fair enough I guess.

72. that was just rude. vader was talking to him and just walked off mid sentence. Since when vader? since when did you last sense it?

73. i feel like someone would have heard those blasters.

74. was that storm trooper down by the ship luke? cos he got to the tower with the others really quick if he was walking inconspicuously.

75. "Ben is a great man!" You barely know him.

76. luke's talking like Han has been there the whole time. he doesn't know what message you're talking about.

77. there must be security cameras all over the death star. how has nobody noticed Obi Wan.

78. how many prisoners do you think they have? I mean it's not like the base has been in operation long.

79. Luke goes from never killed anyone to killed a ton of people real fast.

80. You're in the middle of an enemy planet killer base and you're sassing the soldier that came to you? and your best sass is you're short?

81. they shoulda kept their helmets the disguise is not so good without the helmets.

82. how does look disappear under the water? it's not even knee high water.

83. 3-po just sold the others out pretty harshly.

84. those guys literally just saw obi wan but chose to ignore him.

85. you're on guard, you think it might be a drill/test and you ignore the noise that's clearly meant to be seen.

86. why are the 10 stormtroopers running away from 1 guy?

87. ah cool, luke's bat-belt is coming in handy. Why does he have a grappling hook? what purpose could that serve a moisture farmer.

88. Leia that is your brother! Don't give him any ideas! Don't tell me you didnt realise, in 2 films time you'll be saying somehow you always knew.

89. Close the blast doors! Open the blast doors!

90. yeah mate, stop to go watch the fight. that makes sense.

91. Luke just alerted everyone to their presence.

92. Leia comforts luke after he just lost the guy he barely knows. nobody gives a shit that Leia just lost her whole world, her family, her friends, everyone she's ever known.

93. when did they give Luke that course on yt-1300 turret control?

94. wait, if Leia knows they're tracking them why does she actually let them take it back to the rebel base.

95. it's weird that they never invented bras in the star wars universe. A civilisation is so much more advanced than us and they never invented bras, really?

96. that guy with the weird camera that points at the millenium falcon. what does that do? I mean, the falcon can't be a registered and authorized ship, so why does he point, decide its cool and stop.

97. killing pest animals for fun is a sign of a serial killer.

98. when Han says may the force be with you he sounds sarcastic.

99. stop that leia. he's gonna get a crush!

100. biggs will never hear his stories. Biggs isn't coming back.

101. hearing voices is a sign of insanity. which doesn't couple well with the serial killer thing.

102. how do any of them know when to announce themselves? they didn't go in numerical order.

103. those X wings wouldn't be able to fly like that.

104. yes, yes, there's no point being safe just in case. there's no way they could destroy it. they've not beaten us before, except all those times.

105. maybe while they were slowly flying behind with no security behind another team, say maybe red 5s team should have entered the trench behind and killed them?

106. how do they cover someone when the enemies are behind them?

107. "R2 Generic sci fi sounding instruction!"

108. I swear it looks like Biggs spills his coffee when he dies.

109. Luke is way more concerned about R2, a droid he just met, when he gets hit than Biggs when he dies.

110. I feel like the targeting computers weren't hurting him so much as they seem to imply with the force and stuff.

111. who gave han the rebel alliance com codes?

112. that was a very quick chain reaction and explosion.

113. still hearing things I see...

114. that looks like a lot of damage to r2. you think he'll still have all his memories? in my experience machines like that lose hard drives when they take that much damage.

115. the scene with the medals implies way more of a legal governmental thing than the rebellion has.

116. did the engineer let R2 out of the hospital a little late and he had to run all the way down?

that is the end of Episode 4

Monday, 13 August 2018

Star Wars Episode 3: comments

More comments on movies, Star wars episode 3, comments.

1. I havent even started the film yet, but I have to point out that on the box art Padme seems to be doing some sort of weird predator cosplay.
2. Episode 3, the 6th movie made and 3rd in the chronological order.
3. "War!" huh, good god y'all, what is it good for?
4. "There are heroes on both sides." is that where trump got that from?
5. I feel like I've missed a ton of stuff between the last film and this one, like we start in a massive battle over coruscant. how did the seperatists get so close to the capital?
6. 2 jedi lead a mission to get him back, oooh I wonder who it'll be! Probably mace windu and Plo Koon.
7. thats a really odd missile. I mean they could easily not have hit the ship. even if they did it looks like they could very easily not get a grip on the ship.
8. having the shield generator right next to the shielf on the outside where anything could destroy it is abad idea.
9. "We spring the trap." Seriously Obiwan is reckless.
10. why does R2 need a hand held communicator. He's a droid surely he'll have one built in, no? I guess not. he has a taser, an oil eject system, the ability to override even enemy computers, and a light saber in his head, but no com.
11. if even one of the droids in the lift shot I reckon Ani and Obi would be dead.
12. the droids in star wars all seem to have way too much personality, like whats the point in building your combat droids with sass?
13. you shouldnt need to talk abotu your service droid like a kid that isnt very good at something 'he's trying' you serious?
14. that little flick of the hair by Obi shows his hair isnt great for combat.
15. the ease at which obi wan blocks the blasters and destroys the droids shows how far he's come since hte last movie.
16. "I shouldnt its not the jedi way" then don- oh you just did. Shame that conviction isnt as shaky with Sidious
17. And thats the second decapitation in this kid friendly movie series.
18. Palpatine is cold.
19. At least Ani's love for Obiwan is stronger than his idiocy around Palpatine. at least for now.
20. Did I miss something? well yeah, clearly. your hanging in an elevator shaft.

21. the way palpatine holds their legs to swing through the elevator door is just weird.
22. having the cockpit of the ship at the end of a corridor out of the ship seems really problematic. one solid hit and they've lost the command crew.
23. Grievous
is just a horder.
24. I'd like everyone to remember this bit where Obiwan cut off the guard droids heads and they just kept fighting.
25. all the battle droids just ignore the jedi like 'We cant fire its not in the script.

26. Palpatine should have been thrown out of the ship when the windows opened.
27. Grievous is not entirely robot. his eyes and several guts are still oarganic. the second he went out into the vacume of space he should have died.
28. i mean for only ha
vign half a ship that was a good landing.
29. Translation: "you better step down now." "Sir I am staying in power forever."
30. Is it weird that Padme wearing Leia's silliest haircut is still one of her most normal.

31. Padme I know you think your hiding your pregnancy but we can all tell. I mean not Ani, but everyone watching.
32. That is a very unsubtle droid command ship parked on Utapau.
33. one of the thigns I like least abotu the prequels is that it feels li
ke each one has a token bad guy of the week. maul then dooku then Grievous. in the original trilogy it was just Sidious and Vader.
34. his arm certainly looks better than in the last movie.
35. How has nobody noticed that Ani is living with Padme? I mean its not subtle they share a bed every night.

36. all the problems would have probably been solved by ani quitting the order.
37. yodas advice is basically 'dont worry about her dying'
38. even Ani mentions how unusual the chancellors acting.

39. Ani shouldnt be surprised when the council doesnt give him fulkl status, he's already commented on how they choose their own members and Palapatine is butting into an organisation he has no part in.
40. the entirety of the wookie war is because George didnt get to do that in the original films.

41. being on the counil and not being a master has never happened. beign on the council at your age has never happened before. Dude needs to chill. there have to be concessions, maybe if you show more humility and be more helpful they'll see your good for the job and promote you later. Boy needs to stop worrying so much.
42. "He has nothign to do with this." You're literally only on the council because he asked for you to be on the council.
43. You know if they'd given Ani the assignment to watch chancellor slightly differently he'd probably have no problem. 'I need you to help me prove the chancellor is innocent.' for example.
44. I wonder if they sent Yoda to the wookies solely for the size difference.
45. Ani is getting way too mad at his wife over politics. is this what its like to be in america right now?

46. what part of the jedi code is sppying on the chancellor breaking?
47. Its odd to me that the intelligence of where grievous is hiding gets to the jedi via the chancellor, the most powerful man in the galaxy.
48. palpatine is talking to ani like a v
ictim of sexual assault. Show me on this doll where they asked you to spy on me.
49. i think these movies would have been better if they didnt shouw any of hte sideous bits until its revealed in Revenge. have it so its a mystery who sidious is or even if he's real. Is there a sith? is it Palpatine? was he always evil or did his time as a politician turn him?
50. how is this sith talk not a major red flag?

51. random chewbacca.
52. the chancellor requesting Anakin going to take on grievous is 90% of the reason he doesnt get to go.
53. Kashyyk is a massively forested planet. they woulda had a much better chance fighting in the trees where they had an advantage over droids.

54. this scene where obiwan leaves is really nicely framed with anaki9n standing in shadow and obi wan standing in the light.
55. Poor Sithy anakin.

56. Guys, don't make promises you cant keep.
57. I do hope Obiwan wasnt trying to be inconspicuous because that loud really excitable mount isnt helping.
58. I love how obiwans plan is literally 'I know I'll drop down in the middle of all of the enemie
s on my own. So reckless.
59. remember where the guard droids didnt care if he cut off their heads? yeah how come it just killed that one?
60. this grievous fight reminds me of a game like dark souls where you have to get everything perfect or die. he starts with that one slow attack and moves up to quicker ones.

61. Grievous really needs to remember the force is a thing when he's fighting jedi.
62. that one clone is like 'wtf? its raining light sabres?'
63. surely the dark side surrounding the chancellor is all the proof that he is sith?

64. thats a point though; do they have any right to remove the chancellor? he may be a sith but he was rightfully elected and asked to stay on long after his term by the people. surely they need a mandate from the people to remove him and at this point the people want him. Unless they can prove he created the war to get into power he's not actually done anythign wrong.
65. You wish you knew why you aren't a master? maybe its because you keep going behind the councils back dont trust them dont agree wiht them and are siding with the chancellor over the order? also your too young?

66. of course your beign excluded. your not a proper councillor. you're literally only there because the chancellor pressured them to put you there. you get elected onto the council, not appointed by an outside body.
67. yes, there are sides of the for
ce they arent teachign you. the dark side. the side they dont teach anyone. your not special mate.
68. its funny listening to the chancellor talk about lies.
69. He finally figures it out! its all going to be fixed. Ani will turn him in and save the galaxy.
70. see all those guts and organic bits? they should have been destroyed when he went into space.

71. Blasters. So unsivilised, but dreadfully useful.
72. I am the senate is just the worst response.
73. those jedi masters went down like punks.

74. compared to other fights in the film series the one between palpatine and Mace is pretty weak.
75. the expressions Palpatine makes are just the funniest thing in any movie ever.

76. how is ani even remotely swayed by anything Palpatine says? Ani literally sent the Jedi after him. He's a traitor? you know that its not Mace who's a traitor.
77. You reckon Mace survived that? I reckon mace survived that.
78. Yeah Ani what HAVE yo
u done? you're such a tool.
79. I get why Ani joined after killing Mace, I mean he might aswell. he's gone this far. but I dont get how he was stupid enough to kill mace.
80. Ironically all Ani wanted was to save Padme, and in trying to do so he killed her.

81. its a really good thing Vader didnt keep his old name it would raise a ton of questions about that skywalker boy and that skywalker grave on lars farm.
82. I feel like Order 66 is something that should have a little more oversight than just one dud
e, even the chancellor.
83. interesting fun fact about the Expanded Universe; the twilek jedi that was killed on the jungle planet was in love with her clone commander and he was in love with her. I cant find any reference to that now though so I think it must be one of the things cancelled from the Canon.
84. Master skywalker, there are too many of them. What are we going to do?
85. I'm pretty sure killing curious senators isn't part of order 66.

86. that poor padawan kid...
87. Good thing Yoda had that tiny ship secretly hidden on the planet when he had no reason to or else he'd be stuck.
88. shame he didnt have a bigger ship, maybe saved Chewie from slavery.

89. I mean it is technically true, they did try to overthrow the chancellor... but not the republic.
90. It doesnt matter AT ALL if a jedi remains loyal to the chancellor, the clones were ordered to kill them all. that said asome do become inquisitors so who knows...

91. Every time I see the droids working on mustafa I think only one thing; That is HOT.
92. Sidious goes through apprentices like I go through pizza.
93. senator organas ship is just ignoring the skylanes. frigging politicians, you aint that important!

94. what if R2's circuits overheat? its pretty hot out there.
95. them mouse droids know to run.

96. Yoda, throwing your lightsabre in the middle of a fire fight might not be the wisest move.
97. they shoulda kept the younglings alive. think of the sith army.
98. seperatist droids have terrible aim, like storm troopers.

99. so this is how liberty dies? with thunderous applause.
100. why does Yoda try to stop Obiwan? he knows that he has to send Obiwan to kill Ani, why hide his deeds?

101. the seriousness when they talk about killing younglings is so funny.
102. Ani is just so quick to blame everyone.
103. Anakin really isnt reading the room right. Padme isnt the one you want to talk to about ruling the galaxy as husband and wife.

104. If obiwan added a single line to his statement he would probably have saved Padme. "Let her go anakin, I hid in the closet, she didnt know."
105. "You turned her against me!" "You have done that yourself!"

106. Obiwan checks on Padme by putting his hand on her cheek. not her veins.
107. Yodas getting old. last movie he caught the lightning pretty epically this movie just get hit.
108. Spinny spinny lightsabers and vicious almost high fives for everyone!

109. Palpatine reminds me of a college guy, just laughing as he bullies the other guy.
110. if only Yodas lightsaber was a little bigger he might have been able to just deflect all the lightning.

111. Is organa just driving around in circles under the senate waiting for Yoda?
112. How has Anakin forgotten that he's the one who sent the jedi after the chancellor? planning to overthrow the republic?
113. Oh no! Obiwan has the highground! I rememb
er this from the first film, the one with the high ground gets cut in half!
114. Oh nevermind.
115, he couldnt bear to kill anio, but leaving him on fire burned and alive in agony was fine. what a weird moral code.

116. you think Obiwan pictures this moment when he gives Luke the light sabre?
117. Obiwan, you have the force, put out the fire and pull him up a bit further from the lava.
118. how? How did they get padme on board? R2 cant lift things and if 3-PO tri
ed he'd topple over.
119. that is the face of a man who needs to sleep.
120. gotta say that is a good robot arm. he got set on fire by proximity but the wires never melted.

121. dont get too close palpatine you already look like crap, you dont wanna light on fire as well.
122. what kind of medical diagnosis is 'lost the will to live'? piss off can people just die from nothing.
123. the republics doctors that bring Ani back are not gentle.

124. Note for the future: Luke is the older twin.
125. they put that mask on super slowm, very dramatic these doctor droids.

126. I wonder if vader had a designer work on his suit.
127. Palpatine doesnt know of her death. what if she hadn't died? palpatine woulda been screwed if vader had met up with her again.
128. Lets hide the girl by putting her on in the spot light of t
he senate.
129. how many people do you think whispered about how white that hispanic senators daughter is?
130. Captain Antilles? wasn't he senator of Alderaan 2 movies ago?


131. why not wipe the astromech? its my understanding that they're supposed to be wiped every 5 years anyway, I bet R2s never had a proper wipe.
132. oh look a young grand moff tarkin and he's not cgi.
133. were owen and peru infertile? is that why they never have more kids?

134. is it me or is it a little weird that the loving couple who just got a new baby didn't let him have their name?

Monday, 16 July 2018

Star Wars Episode 2: comments

Continuing from last week, I have more comments on films that I watched.
today is star wars Episode 2 attack of the clones:
1. Episode 2, the 5th film made.
2. "there is unrest in the galactic senate" oh so it is a senate now and not a congress.
3. what with Brexit going on I'm really starting to see this movie in a different light.
4. how does an organisation as massive as the Republic NOT have an army? the UN has soldiers right? or at least access to other countries soldiers.
5. the 'senator' has a stupid haircut; drink.
6. as cloudy as Coruscant is today that must be super dangerous flying through those massive buildings.
7. new information about senator amidala; she can fly a fighter ship.
8. why do they want to separate from the republic?
9. Yoda is being nice and Padme just ignores that.
10. "count dooku was once a jedi. he could never assassinate anyone. Its not in their nature" Ha ha ha ha
11. Jarjar is way better in this one. he is seen but not heard. Perfect.
12. why are padawans forced to wear their hair in rat tails? What purpose does it serve? what if there's someone who doesn't have hair? it's just the worst.
13. Ugh Jar Jar spoke.
14. still have no idea what half the things he says are.
15. Anakin lost all that smooth talking. he is now equal to my level of swag.
16. this is like going to dinner with a pair of married friends and they just start arguing.
17. Obi-wan really should have nipped the whole relationship thing in the butt early. he's clearly too emotional. maybe he shouldn't have been involved.
18. New information about Senator amidala; she is a coder.
19. this talk about senators is so relevant right now. "In my experience senators only focus on pleasing those who funded their campaigns." Obi Wan might be a cynic, but he's a knowledgeable one.
20. those are some smart and sneaky poisonous millipedes. stopping behind things when R2 is looking around...
21. Obi Wan chastises Ani for being reckless, but lets all remember he literally just jumped out of a 1000 story window.
22. How to people know where to drive in this city? the sky lanes (is that a thing?) are not clearly marked anywhere.
23. Oh look now obi wan is just falling. that wasn't reckless at all.
24. if the assassin stopped playing with that theremin in her speeder they might not have caught her.
25. those are some solid 2002 effects there.
26. I'm pretty sure that much voltage going through a person would kill them dead, regardless of midichlorians.
27. Anakin just jumped out of a speeder about 1000 stories up. what if she'd stopped for a snack?
28. why did she just give away that she's a changeling? it served no purpose except telling us.
29. it was nice of her to not shoot at Anakin for those 30 seconds when he wasn't paying attention and watching for his lightsaber.
30. Wait... I know that lightsaber survives all the way to episode 7 but I also know it gets destroyed in this movie...
31. You don't want to sell me death sticks.
32. Anakin is creepy.
33. How did Jango hear the exact moment she was gonna give him up?
34. See I don't really have a problem with Yoda's speech pattern but I do feel an obligation to mention it.
35. Anakin REALLY shouldn't have been put in charge of Padme's protection. he's too close. I believe he's ready for a mission but protecting the woman he has had a mad crush on his whole life? no.
36. When a padawans master tells the council that he doesn't think the padawan is ready they should listen. he is closest and knows best.
37. even Padme can't stand listening to JarJar.
38. typical arrogant student.
39. Oh my god I forgot just how whiny Darth Vader was.
40. Anakin's disguise is just his normal clothes with a poncho and a scarf.
41. What the hell is Jawa Juice? is it juice made of jawas? a juice jawas make?
42. beyond the outer rim means outside of the galaxy. Dex was prospecting in black space.
43. if we don't know about it it doesn't exist is a very fundamentalist radicalist way of thinking.
44. That line was not only cheesy but creepy. she must be thinking 'this is the worst jedi to come with me on this mission.'
45. "Lost a planet master obi wan has. How embarrassing, how embarrassing."
46. And Obi Wan complains that ani lost a lightsaber.
47. on the plus side these younglings aren't going to get killed by anakin, they're grown ups by then. On the down side they'll get killed by Clone troopers.
48. who Elects a queen? thats stupid, and who only lets them stay for 2 terms?
49. Queen is wearing a stupid haircut, drink.
50. "Anakin's not a jedi yet, he's just a padawan." I mean it's kinda rude just shoving that out there in front of the queen and everyone.
51. I liked what they did with the jedi fighters in this,they needed an add on to go to hyperspace. it was an interesting idea.
52. I love that the Kaminoans eyes seem to have galaxies in them.
53. of course a neck that long and thin simply couldn't hold up that head, but thats none of my business.
54. what if they didn't want to sit there? can they move the chairs to other places?
55. I wonder if anyone will ever explain who Master Ceiphodias is.
56. "I don't like sand" now I see why they hide Luke on his home world.
57. Anakin is the master of Keep asking and eventually you'll wear her down and she'll say yes technique.
58. having an entire army played by 1 actor must have either been super cheap or way more expensive!
59. she went from 'your just a kid to me' to making out super quick.
60. this is the most stereotypical falling in love rolling in the grass scene ever.
61. Jango is the least subtle spy ever.
62. Padme dressed up way too sexy and put on too much mood lighting to tell Ani that they couldnt be together.
63. I don't think anyone expects you to be rational Ani
64. Considering all the different climates Jedi go to they should probably have waterproofs.
65. why are all holograms blue?
66. He has pretty bad aim for a bounty hunter.
67. That is the one and only time you will see Force Technopathy.
68. That tracker was not small or subtle.
69. Seismic charges apparently sound like guitar chords when they shouldn't sound like anything.
70.I can't tell if 'this is why I hate flying' is supposed to be a joke or character development. I don't get it either way.
71. Jango is a terrible bounty hunter. Rule number 1. Confirm the kill.
72. until this point as far as anyone knew the separatists were obeying the law.
73. I bet these guys like blue milk.
74. WTH, is that red milk?
75. Does he have a force sensor to see if people are good or bad? if not how does he know they're good people?
76. Those sneaky jawas sold the sand people out. now I get why Luke believed it was sand people so easily.
77. she doesn't look too good. At least he can use force heal or something to save her. He has force heal right? what do you mean he only trained in force beat stuff up?
78. Well that's just rude. he comes all this way to see her and she just falls asleep on him?! Oh she died? still...
79. Fair enough. he's killing all the men. I'm sure he'll leave the women and children though.
80. how is it Yoda feels anakin's troubles but not Obiwan? obi wan's supposed to be like a brother to him!
81. they need to figure out some sort of facebook system where you send the message to a person and don't have to find the planet they're on first.
82. It is a good thing R2 stayed on the ship :)
83. Hey! There's the blue milk! I figured they'd be the type.
84. "You're not all powerful, ani." "Well I should be!" We all feel like that sometimes.
85. Padme looks like a frigging hippy.
86. Oh shoot i was wrong. He killed them. He killed them all. they're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men. the women and the children too.
87. "I just killed men women and children" he says. "Oh you poor thing, let me massage your neck." She responds.
88. Who is buried next to Ani's mother?
89. why did Padme change into skin tight white for the funeral? that seems weird.
90. Anakin is just not good at following orders.
91. Jar Jar was so easily manipulated its not even funny.
92. Dooku doesn't even seem like he's trying to be sincere.
93. It's funny how Dooku is telling Obi Wan everything, but he doesn't believe him.
94. It can't be safe to get out in the middle of a cloud of actual steam. Water so hot it can't be water any more.
95.could you imagine if you joined the army and your job was to jam yourself into a frame with a bunch of others and pretend your a painting/wall for hours and hours just in case someone comes in that way?
96. I genuinely wonder what happened to R2's boosters that made it so he couldn't use them in episode 4. I also feel like in these films the rule of R2 is that he can do anything so long as he has a spare slot.
97. That's really impressive, 3-pos head still works fine without being attached to the body. I mean, where's the power source? did young ani think so far ahead and put a psu in the body and head and also a low level processor in the body to help it more around with the head? it's an odd design.
98. I cannot tell what on earth they're making in the part of the factory where Ani gets his arm stuck. I mean what tech requires you to slam a bunch of giant hatchetts into it?
99. really they shoulda just shot ani and padme and not given them a chance.
100. there is absolutely no obvious signs of love from Padme. her confession is just weird.
101. they've been back together after 10 years apart for 3 days, if that how can they be in love. that's just silly. or i'm a cynic. one of the two.
102. did they cut the tail off of that creature pulling the cart just because the tail was in the way of the cart?
103. "Then we decided to come and rescue you." Obi wan looks around at the chains they are all in. "Good job."
104. How is it that the execution beasts never just decide to fight each other?
105. "She seems to be on top of things." Nice pun Obi Wan... Obi Pun... heh.
106. that tiger took a lot of shirt off padme considering it didn't actually cut her all the way around.
107. The more I think about it the more Samuel L Jackson is a weird casting choice for a star wars jedi.
108. the 3-po stuff in the battle is SO out of place. Jokes like that don't seem right in a battle.
109. Jango really isn't having a lot of luck with his jet pack.
110. That is the first time they behead someone in a star wars film.
111. Why did c3PO say die jedi dogs? I mean the robot he's connected to must be where he's getting it from but that type of robot never says anything like that.
112. What IS R2 doing here?
113. All of the captured jedi were on the jedi council, lol. the regulars fought and survived. Biggest names in the Jedi? captured.
114. See a light sabres all well and good but you can't beat an army of clones with blasters. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.
115. How do 3PO and R2 get off the planet? they were left in the middle of the Colosseum.
116. Oooooh I see the death star plans in the background.
117. That does not seem healthy for a kid to be carrying his own dads (the person who he is a clone of) decapitated head.
118. now I see the death star plans in the foreground.
119. sandy planet like that, you want goggles Dooku, your gonna get crap in your eyes.
120. the best part of this movie is a game called Republic commando where you play a bunch of clone commandos and go behind the scenes, black ops style through a bunch of areas including the battle of geonosis. the last level is the lead in to the revenge of the sith.
121. they really shoulda destroyed that pilot droid that went onto the ship to stop him leaving.
122. Anakin's an idiot. Talk shit get Electrocuted into a corner.
123. why does Dooku give up on lightning as soon as he blocks it once?
124. How does Padme know its a hangar that they were going to? she didn't see it did she?
125. I would have guessed that light saber fights is a young man's game, but the old man's good.
126. adding an extra weapon to combat (like a lightsaber) when your not used to the dual wielding style is not beneficial it makes you very sloppy.
127. Anakin just sort of stops fighting there and lets Dooku cut his arm off.
128. I remember when Yoda dropped his cloak and stick and drew his lightsaber everyone in the cinema burst out laughing.
129. You know, if Dooku had a blaster he would have killed Yoda when he was struggling with the rocks that fell on him.
130. Is Obi Wan the only jedi who doesn't think he's better than his teacher?
131. There's a hell of a lot of wasted movement in Yoda's fighting style. not so much the spins because they build momentum but the jumps onto walls and then back down again...
132. Did anyone else notice that Yoda takes the time to put his lightsaber properly away before stopping the giant pillars from killing Ani and obi?
133. The clones have some serious firepower on their transport ship but they choose to just shoot dooku's ship with hand rifles?
134. It's a shame starships dont have some sort of registration or they coulda caught dooku's ship on return to coruscant.
135. I can't tell if we're supposed to know that sidious is Palpatine yet.
136. those friggin wipe transitions.
137. it's actually genius of Dooku to tell them about sidious, now they dont trust that information.
138. it's a very special kind of war that you know what its called the day it begins. "Begun the clone war has."
139. those cruisers look awfully like the star destroyers that the empire use later. I wonder if they're related.
140. ani and Padme get married in a small civil ceremony with only the droid that can keep a secret and the one that REALLY can't in attendance.