All words presented in this blog are purely opinion, not fact - unless specifically stated otherwise in the post.

Monday, 14 January 2019

Star Wars Episode 5: Comments

And so... Episode 5, the empire strikes back!

1. Episode 5. the 6th movie chronologically and 2nd movie to be made.

2. Luke went from that new guy in red squadron to leader of the whole rebel base in a real short time according to this flying text.

3. you think that flying text is a problem in star wars universe? you think you gotta take random flying text exposition into account when you plot hyperspace coordinates?

4. does Vader know his name is skywalker? if so why hasn't he put together that he's his son yet? hangs around with obi wan, found on his own home planet, seems obvious.

5. those masks seem pretty pointless if you gotta take them off every time you call into base. or did he only do that for cinematic effect?

6. how did Luke's readings not pick up the life signs of that wampa that surprised him?

7. Luke gets surprised by things pretty easy early in these movies. first sand people now this?

8. wait why don't they go out in x-wings? they perform in the cold vacuum of space where there's no heat. how is the cold going to affect them?

9. Luke has no idea what the force can do. how does he even know to try force pulling the light saber? Let me guess; the force?

10. poor alec guinness, hated the character so much he had him killed off in the first movie, and then they keep bringing him back.

11. yoda did not instruct you, not really.

12. I wonder if he had to leave Lukes head out to keep it from suffocating him.

13. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

14. so did they spend all night working on the speeders to save han?

15. what if they hadn't finished the speeders? would they have had to walk back?

16. God Damnit Leia, that is your brother. you will give him ideas. Luke don't enjoy it too much.

17. there's not a lot of leeway for danger in these ships. what if his ship springs a leak? he'll be dead instantly.

18. that's some pretty awesome aim.

19. so... it seems like they only just arrived on Hoth, only just finished up their searches of the area so how did they have the time to build that giant ion cannon?

20. if they knew that the speeders didn't work right then why didn't they send the x wings to destroy the at ats? we know that they work. And they have proved to destroy them.

21. why were the speeder guys good enough to blow them up once they'd fallen over?

22. Luke's just flying around with a corpse in his back seat.

23. Luke just isn't having a good film.

24. that At-At just crushed Lukes co-pilot's body.

25. that turret WAS a surprise. never see it again.

26. What is it with Vader arriving just as the ship Leia is on leaves?

27. It must be so boring flying on automatic in a fighter like an X Wing. at least with the falcon you can go have a chat.

28. Han and Chewie just left the cockpit in the middle of a firefight. probably not smart.

29. Leia probably should have mentioned the asteroids before getting hit.

30. you were told about the magic master by a magic ghost of your magic mentor. stop complaining that you don't know if he's real.

31. If you weren't going to eat that sausage why not let him have it?

32. probably a good thing they made R2 stay, after all it woulda been a pain figuring out how to make his wheels work there.

33. the fact that he has no legs must make it a pain kneeling.

34. Emperor realises that Skywalker is the son of skywalker before skywalker knows skywalker is the son of skywalker.

35. Yes obi wan you were very different. for one you were a child.

36. obi wan was definitely reckless. even at the end where he got himself cut in half.

37.What kind of training is carrying a dwarf around on your back and doing flips?

38. "Clear your mind of questions" "there is no why" these are not good teaching methods

39. why live in a place of dark side?

40. He just told you you wouldn't need the weapons and he was concerned you were too aggressive when you started. maybe this is a test. maybe leave the weapons.

41. dreaming about vader now? someone's got a cruuush.

42. 3-PO is only doing his job!

43. R2 beeping must be distracting.

44. Yoda is old you can't just drop him like that!

45. there is no try.

46. yoda looks like he wasn't expecting that to work.

47. You asked for the training, Luke. don't be a bitch when its hard.

48. that liquids gotta ruin the pilot seat leather.

49. killing your commander every time he does something wrong is going to make for a very unskilled workforce.

50. 3-PO has legitimate intelligence, and they just turned him off. that's assault.

51. Leia can be such a tease sometimes.

52. Don't lift up sentient things and then drop them, jeez.

53. hey its the 1 black guy in the original trilogy.

54. i'm pretty sure they want leia alive as well.

55. han solo king of sass. no problem with the droid, no.

56. how did they arrive before han? they went the opposite way and didn't know where they were going.

57. this deals getting worse all the time!

58. I feel terrible is a pretty big understatement after the torture.

59. how does Lando know Luke's on his way.

60. "I know."

61. oooh a hancicle!

62. I am altering the deal. pray I don't alter it any further.

63. R2 makes a lot of nise.

64. was that man with the metal earmuffs controlled by Lando's watch?

65. well obviously it's a trap but he still wants to save his... what? at this point you made out with him last time you saw each other are you dating now?

66. I don't think they ever mention sith in the original star wars.

67. It's not exactly the epic battle that they had between Obi Wan and Anakin.

68. when did you open that hole in the ground.

69. Vader is impressed easily.

70. Vader needed to freeze luke. what's his plan now?

71. Vader's not exactly stealthy with that breathing.

72. Oooh I see a hidden mickey!

73. Luke's aim is getting worse

74. the empire controls the city, why didn't they shut down the elevators?

75. I mean... R2 should really have been able to tell the difference between a power socket and a computer terminal.

76. they probably should have listen to R2's warning that the hyperdrive wouldn't work.

77. 3-PO just mentioned something hurting. What mad man would develop robots with pain receptors?

78. what are those safety rails made of to survive lightsaber blasts.

79. I am your father.

80. Why doesn't Vader just force lift Luke back up?

81. how does Luke survive that fall?

82. where does his lightsaber go that some old lady can find it in 30 years?

83. this used to be lando's ship, why not him pilot it instead of Leia who doesn't know what she's doing?

84. He started calling Vader father real quickly.

85. Did R2 just drop on Chewies head?

86. the way Vader looks back at the place they jumped from is just so 'are you feckign kidding me?'

87. why is Lando wearing Han's clothes?

88. I get why they'd give Luke pain receptors in his fake hand, but not in robots.

That's the end of Empire

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