Fifty Shades of Grey The Movie

Surely this is just porn? I mean... it doesn't particularly have a story, it's just a string of pornographic- very graphic in fact - encounters of bondage and sex. its not really a love story, there's no mad man forcing this stuff on her, its just a girl who never had sex before losing her virginity to a bondage loving dominator who happens to be attractive, no?
Am I in any way wrong?
I'm sure the people out there who love it (and there are a surprising number of the affectionately named 'illiterates') are... well... not reading this blog, but if they were they'd probably arguing, telling me it's a beautiful love story that needs to be told on the big screen.
Of course; they'd be wrong.

Of course my readers will already know what I think of the twilight fan fiction named 'Fifty Shades of grey' that has been very generously called a 'book'. but while I was completely happy to leave it alone now that fewer people are reading it on the tube (only 2 noticeable people today) it appears to have come again into my field of vision in the form of an article in the newspaper speculating on which Hollywood actress will be in it.
The article said that it's going to be either Mila Kunis, Olivia Wilde, Jessica Pare, Emma Watson, Lucy hale, Leighton Meester, Amanda Seyfried or Sasha Grey. To which my immediate response is 'either its going to be none of them because none of them are porn stars (Sasha Grey used to be but from what Wikipedia says she isn't anymore) and the only way to make it would be to make a full on porno, because that's what it bloody well is. Or it will be one of them and the film is going to cut out all of the sex scenes because not a one of those actresses would be put on the big screen in a full on domination bdsm bondage porno.'
Don't get me wrong, I would love to see each and every one of those actresses in such positions, I'm a guy after all, every one of them are gorgeous and I'd even agree to see 50 shades the movie if I thought i'd see Emma Watson or Mila Kunis naked - I'm a pervert, what do you want from me? - but they wont. they're big, famous actresses, they don't need to do porn to get paid so why would they?

If I'm wrong fair enough I have a little less respect for whichever one does it. It just strikes me as a really bad idea to make a fifty shades of grey movie, unless they're making it with porn stars. From what I've seen the book barely has any more plot than a standard Porno.

Anyway. Rant over.

A-Gameofthrones-pre-season3-panel
- James

Thirty-Six of Fifty-Two

Movie

Ironman

Now I hadn't really been a huge Ironman fan ever, which is odd considering he kind of exemplifies what I hold dearest in super hero-ness (intelligence). But when I saw the first advert for this film (and found out RDJ was playing stark) I had to see it.

Ironman came out three years after Batman Begins which was easily the best super hero movie to its date. Batman was great. It was dark, edgy, it was a very interesting super movie that didn't suffer from the same issues that previous films did - issues including needing to have big fight scenes every 2 minutes to keep people attention, not really developping the characters - It was easily the best super film ever.
Until Ironman came along.
Don't get me wrong I still love Batman. that film was great (not least because it had Liam Neeson as Ra's Al Ghul) but Ironman brought humour to it. Ironman had a lead character that I didn't get sick of after ten minutes. He's a genious, billionnaire playboy philanthropist and loves it. He loves who he is he just also is a super hero.
Bruce has so much regret and hate and anger, it gets tiresome and depressing, then there's Tony. Fun, exciting and maybe has a little bit of a drinking problem. In high school Tony was the popular Jock and Bruce was the gothy Emo who pretended to like that nobody spoke to him except the school teachers.

However this isn't about Batman, it's abotu Ironman.
Ironman has a fast, stylish and exciting plot. The characters are fun and lively, the special effects and the music is amazing. It's funny, dramatic, and it really is exciting.

If you havent watched it you should. If you're reading my blog and you havent seen ironman theres something wrong with you.
The second ones not so good, but the first (and Avengers) is amazing.

Tubage
- James

Twenty-Three of Fifty-Two

Movie

Love Actually

Ok, I love this moving. I've loved it the first time I ever saw it, nearly ten years ago and I'll still love it 10 years from now. Love actually, isn't like most films with a single plot that starts at point A and ends at point Z. It's a group of stories from the perspective of a group of people who are connected in a number of ways.

I should point out as well that it has an amazing cast of British and Irish actors, including such greats as Bill Nighy, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson, Martin Freeman, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Andrew Lincoln, Keira Knightly, Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman and many more.

There are way too many stories here to go into the plot of the film. There are too many characters to talk about all of them (though they are all amazing characters) so I'll just comment on a couple of them, my favourites.

I think the reason I like this film is because it's very realistic - with the exception of Kris Marshall's character 'Colin Frizzle' who goes to America and manages to have a five-some with a bunch of American girls (Ivana Milicavic, January Jones, Elisha Cuthbert and Shannon Elizabeth, all way out of his league) - the romances that work out makes sense, but they don't go over the top. And some of them don't work out. Something I rarely see in this kind of movie is the romance not working out, but three of them don't, Hell Liam Neeson's character's wife is dead before the film even starts.

My two favourite characters are Andrew Lincoln's 'Mark' who is in love with his best friend's wife (played by Kiera Knightly) and Martin Freeman's character 'John' who falls for a girl he's working for. Interestingly enough he's pretending to have sex with her, playing with her breasts etc... As a stand in for some real actors long before he's even started dating her.

I like Mark because he's a nice guy who's keeping his friends wife at arm’s length to keep from revealing his feelings, only to have them push and push and push until it all comes out just before Christmas. I think I like him because he's me. It’s exactly what I’d do in the same situation and I've been in a couple situations like it.
Same with John, while I'd never be in that situation specifically (naked with a girl before even asking her out) I would definitely be as awkward as him- I most definitely am as awkward as him with girls.
They're scary and confusing ok?!

It's a great film with a story line for every member of the family. From the Prime Minister falling for his common, potty-mouthed secretary to the recently widowed man helping his step son to get the girl before she leaves the country at Christmas.

Even the unsuccessful stories leave the viewer with a sense of accomplishment, warmth and resolution.

Tim-Minchin-Christmas-Song
- James

P.S. Merry Christmas Everyone! I'm going to be pretty absent for the next couple of weeks, back on the 7th of Jan. There are a couple of things scheduled to go up on the blog and if I get a chance and see something interesting I'll post. Otherwise; See you in January When Rix and myself will be starting a podcast of random shit.