Whats wrong with that? Secretly Awful

So I've been in need of a subject to write about, a segment perhaps, and today I've decided to give 'What's wrong with that?' a test run.
To put it simply I'm copying Cracked.com's 'After Hours' show and removing the back and forth from it. Not because I want to, but because I don't have any friends. I'm not just going into this with the intention to ruin things, I may very well realise that things are just as they appear, but after watching a lot of Cracked videos I've been thinking a lot about the things I watched as a kid and I've come to the following topic:

'Media from my youth that's secretly awful'

Pokémon.
This one was mentioned in the Cracked.com video '3 popular childrens shows that secretly hate animals' and so I'm getting it out of the way first and quickly. The whole world of Pokémon runs on an entirely animal fighting based economy, but not only that; people are so poor in the world of Pokémon that at the age of ten (roughly) children are given a dog fighting animal and sent out in the world to fend for themselves.
This is awful on so many levels I can't begin to fully put across to you how bad it is, but try to imagine this; At the age of ten you are sent to a strange old man who everyone trusts and follows unconditionally, who then gives you a new pet -training on how to look after your new buddy, just a pet that's been squashed inside a little ball that fits in your pocket (we'll assume that the pokeballs are special technology that makes it comfortable and there is no animal cruelty in teleporting these animals, some of which are the size of buildings, into balls that fit into your hand) - then gives you a pokedex to store information and sends you on your way.
No food, no camping equipment, nothing. Just a pokeball, an empty encyclopaedia and a pat on the back.

Child abuse, child labour and dog fighting. child protection and animal protection agencies clearly don't exist in this universe.

Power Rangers
There are a few problems with power rangers, but perhaps nothing so bad as Pokémon.The main part of this is that enemies never seemed to attack when the rangers had school, which doesn't sound bad, but think about it. The Rangers were in school, clearly. The actors were in their thirties so they were clearly trying to portray high school students. There were a couple of episodes where you saw them in a hallway that looked like it had lockers. They always seemed to carry around school bags... so yes, the rangers were school kids, and the villain knew it. Worse than that, of course, Zordon knew it. He hired five plus kids to fight these villains. These giant monsterous creatures, clearly putting them in very real danger. He doesn't go to the police or the government and offer them armour or weapons, he gives it to a handful of teenagers.
Who's to say what Rita's real plan is? She's always cursing the power rangers, but is it because they foil her plan of world domination, or perhaps because she's trying to save them from Zordon's indoctrination?
... probably not, but it's still pretty messed up that the guy's employing kids to fight monsters when he could hire grown ups, police, maybe if it was grown ups doign the fighting they wouldn't let their hormones and 'turning around now would look awesome' sense distract them from finishing off their monster enemies and letting them turn into giants that wreck the city on a weekly basis. I mean seriously; how much does it cost to re-build a power ranger city every week? no wonder theres a recession.

Digimon...
... Was secretly about meeting paedophiles online and it being okay so long as they love you.
Okay, before you laugh this statement away let me explain;
In the original digimon the kids met their digimon in a digital world that was populated by others like them. An entire world populated by these digimon, these digital monsters, these internet predators, if you will. They befriend a handful of them who love them and make them trust in them. Whenever they have to, whenever they get excited or whenever it's important, they 'grow bigger' and it's made clear in a few places that the digimon cannot 'digi-volve' without the love of their child partners.
They constantly show that there are good internet predators and bad predators, the good ones love you, the bad ones just want to use you.
In Digimon Trainers (and I'm aware I was far too old to be watchign that show when it aired) they even included a type of evolution called 'Bio-merge' in which - and I'm not making this up - the children get naked and merge their bodies with their digital partners.
The two become one, if you will.
I know, it's a bit of a stretch to say that the entire show is about internet predators and the fact that so long as there is love; it's okay. But consider this one thing; why do most of the digimon, at their most evolved, become human? if they're simply monsters, just a nice little cartoon about pets, then why is it that most of the digimon evolve into humans that the kids can be with?

Its creepy.

Digi-tube
- James

Cracking Theory

So I didn't record the podcast till Monday night and then I spent all last night watching cracked videos and then went to the gym this morning, so I didn't edit the podcast for you. I deeply apologise. I will edit it tonight and post it up online for Friday. Deal? Deal.

Instead, today I will be talking about a conversation I had yesterday about Buffy and Angel, the demon hunting television shows by Joss Whedon.
Buffy the vampire slayer is quite clearly a coming of age story, showing a series of characters growing up, whether it's the teenagers or the adults they're all finding their place in the world. Buffy, Willow and Xander quite clearly are growing up, they're in High School and they're trying to get by, day by day, but even Giles' story is one of growth. A watcher who's new to his job of looking after a slayer.
They could have gone with a veteran Watcher, perhaps the watcher of the last slayer, but Joss decided not to, partially to give a better series of interactions between Buffy and Giles - the guy that's never dealt with teenagers before having to deal with one of the most teenager of teenagers? Hilarious! - but also - I believe - because the entire show is a story of growth, a coming of age story, including Giles.
Angel is coming to terms with his new role helping the slayer, Oz is coming to terms with his Were-wolf tendencies, Joyce is coming to terms with being a newly single mother... almost every character in the show displays the traditional 'coming of age' issues, while simultaneously kicking ass and keeping it interesting.

On the other hand, of course; Angel is a story of redemption. Each character in that show is seeking redemption from something and I couldn't tell you whether or not they get it.
Angel's looking for redemption for Angellus, Cordelia is looking for Redemption from being a bitch at school, Doyle is looking for redemption for turning away others of his kind and letting them all die, Wesley is looking for redemption for creating Faith, Faith is looking for redemption for everything she did in Buffy, Gunn is looking for redemption for letting his sister die... Fred and Lorne are odd cases, neither of them are looking for Redemption so much as a better life, away from the evil other universe- of course you could argue that Lorne is looking for redemption for coming from a universe where they treat humans as cattle, but you really can't say the same for Fred, however neither of these characters appear to be intended as primary characters from the beginning and, in my opinion, don't count.
(Because they don't fit and ruin my point.)
This, I think, is why the Angel episodes were a lot better than the buffy episodes while the buffy seasons were better than the angel seasons.
Angel was darker day to day, the episodes had more depth, but they didn't really build to anything, while Buffy's day to day episodes were far more angsty it was always building to the end of the season, putting things together to find the right place.

I dunno, I thought it was interesting. Not sure why you guys would... hm...

Cracking-Tubage
- James

Lazy Snow Day

So I don't have anything to talk about today. Odd I know, as I am usually such a chatterbox. Instead I've decided to be lazy and regale you with a review from one of my old blogs. The review is for 'Metro 2033' Enjoy.

As I sit here at home in the warmth of my bedroom, surrounded by speakers and convection heaters looking out the windows at the snow strewn streets I truly feel bad for the future inhabitants of Moscow's metro system.

While I'm warm inside with music playing and a recent checkpoint loading up the people of Metro 2033 are stuck underground with their blankets wrapped tightly around themselves freezing to death, thanking their gods that at least it wasn't the mutants, the Soviets, the Nazis or, most terrifying of all, the Dark Ones who killed them. Travelling through the metro system the player is subject to the harsh realities that plague the post apocalypse in this linear first person survival game from 4A games in association with THQ for PC and X-box 360.

Metro 2033 is based on a book with the same name by russian author Dmitry Glukhovsky, set in a post apocalyptic Moscow where nuclear winter ravages the outside world, forcing the surviving people of the city and, perhaps, the world from venturing out further than the many train stations that have been set up as towns and cities.

The game follows the story of Artyom as he attempts to locate his friend and ally, a lone soldeir named Hunter, with the goal of stopping the menacing creatures known as the Dark Ones from destroying man kind altogether.

Artyom's journey is filled with twists and turns that force him through the darkest corners and under passes of Moscow's underground. The story is elaborate, creative and, though perhaps a little predictable at times thoroughly enjoyable.

The world and environment that the player is thrust into are amazingly atmospheric, from the gas powered lamps and the cramped housing facilities to the cracked glass of your gas mask and the simple but effective traps and alarm systems. Other characters in the world feel believable and emote-able.

Going through the levels you often have the option of fighting through crowds of enemy soldiers or sneaking past them with the (fairly generic) stealth system. Players can turn off lights and crouch through the tunnels to avoid detection, later on they can even get night vision goggles, however enemies can also use them, which means stealth isn't always a sure thing. In fact it's a little messy. You are given stealth weapons, silenced pistols, cross bows, throwing knives and the like, but a single kill with these weapons, regardless of whether anybody saw it, will render your stealth null and void. They will all be looking for you and it will take more than possible skill to avoid everyone.

Fighting against mutants is far simpler. They come near you, you kill them. You aim and shoot. If they don't come near you, you shoot them. You aim a bit better and shoot. For the most part they will come near you, and if you are fighting alongside anyone its highly likely that you wont even need to aim and shoot to kill them.

This is one of the rare occasions where the A.I. is too good. It doesn't happen often, but there have been occasions in Metro 2033 where I have been out of long range ammunition and relied solely on my shot gun, however my partner has been such a dead aim shot with their AK47 that I haven't had to waste a bullet. Good for my survival, bad for my statistics and gameplay experience.

Overall however the A.I. doesn't take all the fun, you have plenty of time to fight off enemies alone, and if you have a rifle and ammo the A.I. wont take too many of the kills in the team up sections.

Metro is a first person game which shares control similarities with Killing Floor (Next weeks review!) and Half-life. It can feel a little complicated at times, unnecessarily so. switching weapons involves scrolling to an appropriate selection and then pressing the fire button, which wastes valuable time when you're in the middle of a fight. it would be a lot smoother if the mouse scroll changed the gun automatically. The assumption is that this process allows the player not to have to change the weapon if they change their minds, however they cannot fire again until the selection pop up window vanishes once more, so the mechanic is more restricting than it is helpful. However these are an already established control system, not something new that Metro has attempted for the first time.

To be honest the gameplay, besides the survival aspects, of constantly changing gas mask filters, the scarcity of ammunition, the ability to purchase guns or use your currency as bullets and the rather entertaining story it's a fairly generic game. Besides the aforementioned it doesn't do anything that another game has done before it, often better.

I have little to say about the game graphically. It isn't a major aspect for me. However it does feel a little outdated, noticeably so, but not so much that the player cannot enjoy the game regardless.

Otherwise I've enjoyed the game thus far. There are one or two minor bugs, that I've noticed, but otherwise it's a fairly well rounded game, a very good purchase for an FPS fan looking for a good story.

So if I had to give it a score (and judging by my last couple of games blog entries it's starting to look like I do) I would give it an 8 out of 10. I have personally really enjoyed the game, however the gameplay is very generic, the graphics are 2008/2009 graphics and the A.I. ranges between annoying and impeccable.

Well that was that. I hope you enjoyed it.

Tubeage
- James

Hero

So last week I started work on Exile's sidequell. Yes, Sidequell is a word... now... Basically its a sequel set at the exact same time as Exile. 'How does that work?' You ask? Well, Exile was only one small part of the whole story. An important part, to be sure, but not the only thing that happened. In this short story I hope to explore some of the unanswered questions.
Questions like 'How did the pirates organise?' 'Why did the pirates attack the empire?' and 'How did they do so well?'

I'm writing the story in a very similar way to exile and from the perspective of a character that was in it, though, one that was not fully explored.
I'm not going to say which character, since saying so might ruin the first story for anyone who hasn't read it - but should have - but suffice to say it's an integral plot character that Wren interacts with.

The story will take place from the time of Wren's childhood, though not necessarily one of his friends. It will take place from then up until the last moments of Exile.

Fingers crossed it will be loved by everyone and it will answer some un-answered (or asked) questions.

Tubage
- James